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I wasn't counting but I was told that my brother has been gone for 100 days. It somehow seems surreal that he isn't around. We hadn't been physically or emotionally close these last years. But we always kept in touch with bits and pieces of news. My last conscious memory of being with him was when he was still in the hospital. I said I'd see him again after my trip to Sabah. I hadn't imagined that I would see him at his funeral. For all that we shared, during the good and bad times, I feel a sense of loss; not a tangible one but a kind of sadness that lingers.
As with every death, the process of letting go is a personal one. For me, it started when I deleted his name from my list of contacts. When I type in the letter "T", I notice his name no longer appears and somehow still serves as a reminder that he's gone. I'll miss him from time to time but I'm glad he is no longer suffering.
On a happier note, my grand-daughter is 4 months old. She is the epicentre in our lives. I use this word liberally because for Stephen and me, she causes earthquake waves of joy. There is nothing she can do that doesn't make us gush with pride. As Stephen says, "even her crying is cute". I'm not so sure of that. Now that she is back in KL, we will visit her more because it's nearer. Having said this, our three trips to Sabah were just lovely and a nice break from our routine in Singapore. We wouldn't have wanted to miss that holiday time either. But now that she's closer, we're already thinking of when we will go and see her.
It's exciting to be grandparents. It is unexplainable feelings of complete and utter bliss to have a grandchild. It is everything and more that we could ever have imagined. She doesn't know it yet but her Pops (as he will be called) will be putty in her hands. Oh well, happy days are ahead for her and, I suspect, for him too.
I almost cannot believe that 7 years ago, I started this blog after my previous one had a glitch. Neither would it have been possible for me to know that today would be a triple kind of memory anniversary. We never really know what the future holds and I like what Maya Angelou says about being present in the present. If I will be honest, it pretty much sums up the 3 events today: forgivingly, prayerfully and gratefully.
And with that in mind, I remember what my brother once said to me many, many years ago, "let the dead rest in peace and the living go on living".
