Leftover love

 

Image from Pinterest

I believe this to be true and that the reverse is equally valid.  What I mean is that the ones that we love never really leave us.

It's a kind of leftover love.  Leftover as in "remaining" or "surplus".  

And this makes me smile because this only happens when there was so much to begin with.

Remembering Douglas Lawrence Cheow

(2 November 1957 - 26 March 1991) 

with all the leftover love.

And Mary was her name

 Mary (Ah Moi) Soliano

5/7/1948 to 5/5/2021

And Mary was her name, and not so very ordinary girl or dame!  I sort of plagiarised those words from a song.  

But really, my Aunty Ah Moi was no ordinary woman.  In fact, I have to say she was extraordinary in so many ways.  Her kindness and generosity were attributes that she showed willingly and easily.

I have very fond memories of her when we were growing up.  She was always the strict but loving aunt who seemed to just love us unconditionally.

She was dedicated to my Uncle Max and their daughter, Isabel.  Her entire life revolved around them and in turn, they looked after her in her final months.  Good karma, so to speak.  

There are so many stories about her that I remember and sometimes shared.  We have wondered about her tenacity to pick herself up from scratch.  We have laughed at her funny interaction with Uncle Max.  Oh, they have loved each other for as long as I can remember.  Theirs isn’t a love of roses and romantic songs.  It is one of a deep and abiding concern for each other that isn’t bound by paper, certificate or anything legal that sometimes keeps people together.  Theirs is a raw kind of love relationship that is so rare.

When I mention, to others, about the teenage years with her, I sometimes choke on my words.  The emotions are hard to hold in check.  I know it stems from how I feel about her.  She had done too many big and small things for me and I will never be able to repay her in anyway.  Not that she would expect it because that’s not how she is. This is what the true value of goodness is all about.

I will make an effort to be more like my Aunty Ah Moi.  She was a precious gem and it was an honour to know her.

May she rest in peace forever more!

30 years ago

This year seems to be about numbers.  

Every day we have covid-19 details thrown at us and maybe because I live in Singapore but have loved ones in Malaysia, I sense it more by looking at the statistics of both these countries.  We begin to get a habit of waiting to see if things are better or not with the numbers given.  It's unhealthy, I suppose, to allow stuff like this to dictate some part of our day.  Yet imperceptibly it has!  

However, 26/3/2021 is special.  It's been 30 years since Doug died.  

I still vividly recall how that morning started yet I cannot remember much after I saw him in the mortuary.  

When he died, I tried very hard to think of the future without him.  He had always been there for me.  He was always loving and giving.  I leaned on his support for everything.  But oh, how I've learnt to stand on my own two feet since then!!

30 years ago, Jared was only 4 years old.

30 years ago, I was only 32 years old.

We've come a long way since 1991 but one thing hasn't changed for both of us, Doug is a huge part of who we are.  

Today we celebrate him because we are richer for having had the privilege of being a part of his life.

Reflections of a love lost.  Click link to watch Heart Shots Presentation

A special moment

Image from Pinterest

People always tell me that I have a fantastic memory.  There is truth in that; both for the good and for the bad.

But today, I'm remembering a special moment in 1984 that changed my life and eventually brought me to where I am today.

It's a nice to pluck out a time in my life's history and embrace what was once a love so overwhelming.  It's a specific memory, embedded within millions of memories, that has taken root inside of me.  

I'm going to celebrate the day with love and laughter.

The good life

image from WWW

I had an intense week.  

Monday was for helping someone out and the customary visit to MIL.

Tuesday was my birthday and Stephen took me out for the whole day.  It was like a whirlwind of feeding my senses.  Food at a place that I spoke to him about, a movie of my choice, a quiet tea and ending all that with what has become a yearly ritual of Swensen's dinner and the usual ice-cream shared.  

Wednesday was for the regular visit to MIL and giving her a pedicure!

Thursday was for taking a random bus ride with Stephen.  We just choose a number and look for the route and take a joy ride.  This time it was for  Bus 111 which starts and ends at Ghim Moh Terminal.  It was a relaxing and fun outing.

Friday was for house chores as the fogging of the rubbish chute was scheduled.  This always means extra work for me.

Saturday was to catch up on my own stuff and later meeting Stephen at Toa Payoh Central for dinner and grocery shopping.

And today when I am thinking of a particular life and love that I lost so long ago, I'm also choosing to remember that I have found a new life and love.  Rumi was right, what we lose comes around in another form.

Stephen hardly gives me time to feel alone or lonely.  It's what he does without thinking.  His energy is more than enough for the two of us.  I am blessed.  

Who'd think that retirement would not change the pace of life? Okay, I'm stretching that a bit. I just meant that each day is filled with so much for those who value time.

Love is eternal

Image from Twitter

I feel truly blessed to have known such great loves in my life.  Even when they are gone, their love still fills me with a warm feeling of being cherished.

Today I remember Douglas.  25 years have passed and although gone forever, you are not ever forgotten.

Memories...

Image from Pinterest

Seconds, minutes, hours, days or even years may pass but it doesn't change what had once filled the heart with love, laughter and even tears.

The heart never forgets. 

He never grows old!

All babies go to heaven!  In my mind, Eric is still two years old. I've dreamt of him a few times and he's always a baby: still walking unsteadily and talking in his funny sing-song way!  

This is the consolation for me.  In my mind, I see him as he was. He never grows old.  

Thoughts of him, and especially today, make me happy. He's in heaven. 

Douglas Cheow

Image from Pinterest

Dear Douglas, 

Honestly I don't miss you like I used to. It's much easier now that I no longer feel the dull ache anymore.  

Now when I think of you, it's always about happy memories of moments in our lifetime.  

Nothing has changed and yet so much has changed. That's the enigma of love.  

Today is one of those days when I consciously think of you and I feel a deep sense of closeness to you for all the years that we shared.  It gives me a sense of comfort and helps me feel grounded.  

I do thank God for the life we had and I still miss you. Not in the same way or intensity as I did when you first died but it's still there in odd moments.

Many of your friends still remember you and it always makes me smile that though you are gone, you are not totally forgotten.  

Today, I'll be thinking of you and the memories will make me smile.

Love from Lita <3