6 years ago

Image from Instagram

A year can change you a lot.  So imagine what six years can do.

When I first moved to Singapore, I had envisioned my life to fall into a certain pattern and never would I ever have imagined that it would turn out so different from what I had predicted or projected for myself.

My goals then were to read more, spend time in museums and libraries, watch movies and tv, sleep in, sleep late, visit all the malls, blog more, exercise, cook, bake, and even do some charity work.  I think I had done some of this in my first year but after all that, there was always still a lot of time on my hands.  

Although I left Facebook, I found Twitter and Instagram to be a nice outlet to get news, beautiful images and ideas. But even then, there was always still a lot of time on my hands.

Then I noticed a niche that no one else could fill and, unconsciously, I gravitated towards it.  I found out that caregiving was something that I could also do.  Caregiving not in the sense that I had someone at home to look after for 24 hours but someone who I visited as often as I could.  Giving care  or giving a care would be more accurate.

With this newfound path, I decided to give it more attention.  I read up on geriatrics, diseases, palliative care and whatever else I thought would help.  It gave me purpose and made me feel useful.

There was a time when I went to the nursing home everyday and, for a short period, twice a day when it was needed.  When I look back, I marvel at how I did all that.  It would never have crossed my mind, or that of my own family and friends who know me, that I would have the patience and kindness to see to the well-being of an ailing member of my husband's family.  Yet it seems that God's Grace is truly sufficient and I ended up doing what was least expected of me.

It has not always been easy to take charge of and oversee the responsibility that comes with old people but I have the best partner in the world. He always gives me unconditional support and encouragement.  Without him, I wouldn't have been able to do this at all.

Stephen gives me the space to make some decisions and allows me complete freedom to act independently when he is at work.  His confidence in me makes it easier to do what needs to be done.  He's the general and I'm the soldier carrying out my duties.  It works.

Six years ago, I would not have thought it possible that I had,  in me, the fortitude and strength to journey down the road that I have travelled.  

All along, I always thought I was helping someone else but in the process, I was helping myself.  I grew to understand more about life and I have a deeper knowledge of what it means to be there for others whenever we can.  There is no greater personal growth than when we rise above our own circumstances and help someone else.

I have learnt so much and for this I am thankful for all that I've become and still becoming.

I give myself a pat on my back for making my time here count for something.  I think it's called serendipity.  

Side note:  I've always wanted to use that word.  It means the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

How much?

I didn't realise that two months have gone by since I wrote here on my blog.  Life has been filled with so many moments and memories that I didn't even remember to immortalise some of my thoughts here.

Okay, no need to be dramatic about leaving some words on a blog meant for my future reference.  Ha ha ha

I'll start by saying that these words in the image, made me think. Many quotes have that effect on me.  They cause me to pause and wonder about the reason for it being written that way.  

There are people who do a lot.  But behind their doing is very little love invested.  On the other end, are people who do so little but in those small gestures, you feel and see so much love. 

These last two months that I have been missing have also been the start of Stephen's semi-retirement. It has been exciting for him to discover the joys of only working two days a week.  

We've had to re-adjust our timing for TV, going out, travelling to KL and so far it's been a non-stop moving session. I am literally worn out from so much going on.  Not forgetting a wedding in the wings!!

Anyway, getting back to the reason these words touched me is that there is very little to do at home, yet Stephen has decided to do some of the chores even if I could do them all!  It's him saying to me that he cares enough and he wants me to also enjoy some of the perks of his freer time.  

How much love do you put into your doing?  It's a good question to ask each time. 

The leap of faith

Image from Twitter

I almost cannot believe that I have been in retirement for FOUR years now.  It seems like I've taken to this new life like a "fish to water". That's lame but the best description that I can think of. Hahahahahaha.  

Also, I almost cannot remember what it's like to be working in an office. 

My "office" now is wherever my laptop is placed at home so it's either on the dining table or on my lap (pun intended) in front of the TV!  

The leap year used to brings memories of the Olympic Games and the Presidential Elections.  That's how diverse my interests are! Stephen and I share a common ground in our interest with some major world events and we enjoy talking about it over breakfast/lunch/dinner and sometimes supper.  But now the leap year has also become synonymous with my retirement.

I woke up yesterday to tell Stephen that we must celebrate today.  I said I want to have lobster for dinner.  He knows I'm full of plans and no action.  Just being able to say it is enough to make me happy.

The leap of faith was also a leap into faith.  It was when I found a meaningful relationship with God.  It has made such a big difference to my life.

So this 29 February 2016, I'm saying a special prayer for all the people who are special to me.  It's a way of giving back (behind the scenes) without fanfare. 

Most of all I'm thankful to Stephen, Jared and Gwen who have been my pillars of support and encouragement.  The countless other family and friends along the way have been the icing on the cake: always delicious and so enjoyable. 

Be blessed.  Stay blessed.  Shalom!

In the beginning...

In the beginning, there was STEEST.

Today is the anniversary of when STEEST was born on 18 September 2008.  I started the blog on impulse and then found it to be a great platform in which I could share my memories and also release some of the pent-up emotions I kept inside.

It was always a dream to write and even when I had no audience, I enjoyed it.  My teen years were spent huddled over my desk and writing poems.  I still have some of them.  Compositions in schools were my favourite and I thank my teachers for the guidelines although I do break some of the rules now and again. 

Due to a technical glitch (meaning my itchy fingers), I lost all the images on STEEST.  It was just a stroke of blessing that I decided to create a new blogpost here on SFGEMS.

I call it a blessing because it's a timeline, a more detailed one, of what's going on in my life since I retired.  Years from now I will be able to go through the posts and see if I can remember what made me happy, sad, laugh, frown etc.  

I call it a blessing because I've made many new friends while blogging and found kindred spirits.

I call it a blessing because my blog keeps me active and grounded. It pushes me to think about everything.

Yennyways, (curi-ed this word from my friend, Pat) I will celebrate today because, well, just because....

Cheers! 

Today in 1992

My journey, or rather one of them, started in 1992 and ended in 2012.

It seems like I never ever worked at the Embassy of Peru for twenty years.  How easy it has been to forget and leave it all behind!!!!

When I was teetering on whether or not to do it, I was in a short state of turmoil but when I decided, I just went ahead without thinking more and now it's already over three years since I've left.  

Today a reminded popped up in my online calendar that said "Peru Embassy Anniversary".  I don't even remember putting that detail in my calendar.  I must have done it since it came up together with my other appointments for the day.

Nice moment that brought when I look back at the friends I made and still contact via email or whatsapp.  

Looking back, it had molded me for the greater good.  I learnt so many things during those years and some of those lessons hold me in good stead today.  How awesome is that!!!

3 years ago

Image from Pinterest

Yesterday marked three years since I left Malaysia .  I remember having had mixed feelings when I was on my way to Singapore.  It would herald a new life and, of course, a change of lifestyle but excitement kept me going.

As I was scrolling through the images on Pinterest, I saw this and had to re-read it because it touched me in such a personal way.

Now that I am here, I no longer miss who I was. 

Who was I?

How can anyone really know? For sure, I was part of the rat race.  I didn't feel it then and it's only when I look back that I realise this.

I do miss some of the people and that's what draws me back home each time.  Other than becoming a different person today, I think that the concept of 'home' is slowly evolving for me.  Before it was always Kuala Lumpur.  Nowadays it's getting harder not to think of Singapore as "home".  

Perhaps it's the ability to adapt and move on that makes me feel this way.  And it's not a bad thing at all!  In fact, I was rather surprised when I realised just how easily I have integrated to this new life in a neighbouring country.  

Even idle talks about moving to Australia, doesn't really faze me now.  Before, any mention of it brought question marks in my mind! Now I am convinced that if we ever move to Australia or to New Zealand, I'd be fine.  

It's a discovery about myself that I find most interesting.    

I can...

Image from WWW

It's already the twentieth day of January and yet so much has happened but everything has worked out wonderfully.

I used to recite this bible verse, in my head, during my working days because sometimes things were so hectic that I hardly had time to breathe.  Perhaps it sounds like an exaggeration but that's how I felt too many times.  

I thought that when I retired I would find myself bored to tears after six months.  Maybe this is because many people suggested that I would not be able to do nothing after having worked for so many years. Some even suggested that it was a dangerous thing to retire so early.  "Be careful" was what I heard.  I know they all meant well but thankfully, I didn't allow those negative vibes to get to me.

The truth, for me, is that I really can do anything as long as I keep my focus on Jesus.  I don't need to be time-conscious, health-conscious etc as long as I am Christ-conscious.  

In the nearly three years since I retired, I have done a lot, both inside and outside the home.  What matters is that, at the end of the day, I feel a sense of satisfaction with all that I have done.

I am going to face the remaining days of 2015 with this same thought that I really can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Doing nothing

Image from Pinterest

I still get interrogated by working people about how I can bear doing nothing. Somehow there is that underlying suspicion that I am faking being happy since I have nothing to do.  

It seems to be an easily-acceptable theory that if you have nothing to do then you can't be happy. Likewise, if you have something to do and you don't do it, then you definitely can't be happy.

The thing I most enjoy is when I have something to do but I don't because I can choose not to do it. 

There isn't anyone that I want to impress or someone that I have to take orders from.  This liberty is what I enjoy so much.

I do agree that sometimes we need to be doing something in order to feel a sense of fulfilment.  But there is no harm in also doing nothing.  I've practically done nothing much these last two years. I'm not any the worse for it.  My mind is still alert and I've not turned into a couch potato.  

Surely there must not be so much fun running around doing one thing after another.

Image from Pinterest

I think we had it drummed into our heads that we shouldn't rest on our laurels.  Having that wired into our DNA we forget that being still is just as important.  After all, isn't it biblical to "Be Still".

Image from Pinterest

Half a year and half a smile :-)

Pic from Facebook

Half a year has gone by already.  I just don't know where time has gone.

Stephen often tells me that once American Idol is over, time just picks up speed. Hahahahahahaha.  We didn't even watch it this year.  How many have there been? Thirteen!  So he's said it that many times!  Funny guy!

Then when 9 August comes  and goes, he'll say, "Time to play Christmas carols now".  The truth is that he plays them as and when he feels like it.  This always makes me smile because thoughts of Christmas bring happy memories.

June ended with a nice Eurasian meal with cousins and some catching up.  Sometimes I am so happy I could just burst.  Actually, I was so full that I felt I could burst.  I ate too much! :-(

So July has started!  The kids are coming again for a short stay and we are already thinking of how to cram everything into those days.

I hope I shan't neglect my blog as much as I did in June.  After all, what else would there be to do later in life except to flip through these postings and reminisce. 

Close to Perfection

Image picked up from Facebook

If only...

It really would be wonderful if I could find a bed like this.  

And while I'm dreaming, I'd need a cook to prepare  and serve my meals.

~ ~ ~

June has been a very busy month for me.  I hadn't realised that I neglected my blog.  But all is well, a short holiday took up my first week.  I intended to blog about it but didn't get around to putting my thoughts in words.

Then I enrolled in a six-week course which really ate up all my free time.  But I am enjoying it and feel a tad sad that it's ending soon but I solved that by signing up for another one scheduled in October this year. 

When all is said and done and when life seems perfect, there really isn't much time to sit and write.  But I force myself so that I can return one day and remember the blissful moments.

June has been near perfect. July promises to be even better.  I can't wait!

Feeling amazing

I saw this recently on Facebook and reading through points 1 to 15, I can check off all of them.  

I have had some pretty amazing moments in my life.

Today is one of them.  It marks the anniversary of when I first joined the Embassy at the age of 33.  

Of course, I retired  2 years ago after spending two-thirds of my life there but if I had stayed I would be celebrating 22 years today.  Okay, do your calculation. I'm 55 already.  

I wonder if one day I will no longer feel the strong attachments that I still feel. 

Maybe a trip to Peru will be the antidote.  

Look! A book!

Pic from WWW

I said I wouldn't buy any books in 2014.  It's not even half a year and already I've reneged on that.  

I've tons of books in Malaysia and some more in Singapore.  Add to this, the fact that  I live near a very good library which has books in large print (for easy reading) and you can understand why I didn't really need to buy any.

But I'm like a book junkie.  I find it almost irresistible to pass a bookshop without going in to buy and/or browse.  

No hope for the book weaklings!  :( 

After the storm ...

Pic from FB

There's a storm upon us.  It's raining heavily outside. Not typhoon winds or anything close to catastrophic "run into the basement for shelter" kind of weather but the rain was so heavy and almost deafening.

I literally saw/heard it coming.  The dark clouds keeping the sun away and the sounds of thunder rumbling in the distance.  Just as I told Stephen that it was going to pour, the drops came.

When it first poured, the drops were so huge that they made a beautiful polka-dotted pattern on the pavement at the back.  Just as soon as they appeared, they disappeared because they joined so quickly that they just became meshed together.  At the height of the storm, I didn't dare open the window to peep outside. It's what I like to do and often I am rewarded with a spray of the cold rain on my face!

It's easing now and the winds have died down. 

It's nice to be home when it's raining.  So many times before when I was at work and there was a storm outside, I used to be mesmerised by nature's fury. I used to envision myself (in the future), at home, with a cup of coffee and a book/laptop. 

Life is a little like that.  We meet and greet the storm and then it's over.  The rain trickles and the skies clear up and everything looks better.

Here I am now, at home, and it is every bit as nice as I imagined it would be.

TWO YEARS ALREADY (Yes, I'm shouting!)

Image from FB

I almost cannot believe that it is already two years since I left the working world.  Two years which is equivalent to 730 days.  I find it so hard to reconcile with the fact that I have lived off my husband (mwahahahaha) for this long!

I did worry about how it would be not to earn my own money.  Most modern working women will wonder what it is like to rely totally on their spouse.  It cannot be an easy thing to do and yet I stepped into this situation rather easily.  I admit that the first month here was a bit awkward.  But after surviving that 'trial' period, everything just became so natural.  

Anyway, this blog post isn't about money.  It is about celebrating an anniversary.  

The feeling of euphoria is still strong.  Most days I wake up feeling so blessed to have someone to love, a place to lay my head and enough to eat.  

Until now, people are still asking me what do I do with my time.  Well, I still can't finish doing everything I want as there just isn't enough time!!!!  Maybe it's because there's so much that I want to do.  And sometimes there is nothing that I want to do.  Either way, it's all good.  My boss (Stephen) is very flexible about everything.  

Now we are just counting down the days to when he will retire. We are hoping for soonest possible but it'll happen sooner or later.  

Image from FB

Taking a leap of faith

Pic from FB

If you had asked me a year ago whether I would be interested in volunteering my services to the church, I might have said "maybe". I always had the intention to do volunteer work way before I retired.  I just hadn't found anything that piqued my interest enough.

 

And talking about interest, I was leaning towards the National Library because I love books.  

So it was between the library and the church for me but somehow nothing materialised. 

 

In the middle of last year, with Stephen's nudging, I decided to sign up as a volunteer in my church.  I didn't know what it would entail.  Anyway, they called me for an interview to get some background information so that they would know where best to deploy me.

 

To cut a long story short, I have found myself in the Champions Group which will consist of babies between 1 - 24 months.

 

It has been a long time since I  looked after babies!  Even having had experience with two, I still felt a bit of concern but after a briefing session, I realise that I won't be alone.  There will be others and I believe that I will be able to manage. Once a mom always a mom!  The instincts will kick in. 

I start today.  This blog post is scheduled to be published just at the time that I will meet with the Supervisor.

 

Somehow I feel that God has a sense of humour because I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I get on better with old people". 

 

This is a leap of faith and a calling to serve and I know that it will take me to greater heights in my spiritual journey.

 

Pic from FB

Booked. Part 2

Pic from FB

In  2012, I think I read maybe three books over a nine month period.   The euphoria of being retired took such a strong hold on me that I just enjoyed doing nothing.

In 2013, I doubled that to maybe six books over twelve months.  This is still way below what I could have read since I now have all the time in the world.

I envisioned my retirement as maybe reading at least a book a month.  This didn't happen.  When time was a precious commodity during my working days, I was always stealing moments to read in between my home, office, chores, TV, Computer and whatever else that took place in my life. 

Most times, I caught up with reading while I was on my way to or from Singapore.  It was a welcome luxury at that time. 

While I was working, reading was like a guilty pleasure.  Once I pick up a book, I can forget everything else.  This meant that all chores were set aside and I would become blind to whatever was not urgent.  I would forego even my seven to eight hours of sleep. 

Pic from FB

There were days when I would read until I could no longer open my eyes.  I always consoled myself by saying I would nap as soon as I got home after work.  It was always worth being tired for a day or two.  I know that those who love reading will know what I am talking about: especially those who start reading even when they know it isn't a good idea to begin just before bed time.

Anyway, I'm on track at the moment.  I'm half way through my first book and its just the middle of January.  Let's see if I make it to twelve books  this year. 

Booked. Part 1

Pic from WWW

This was me!

"WAS" because I think the last book I bought was prior to retirement.  I thought it would be a good idea to stock up on books for when I had all the time in the world to read.  This cleared my conscience to buy three bags of books (some for gifts). Plus, I wanted to max the rebate for tax purposes in 2012. 

Since moving to Singapore, I discovered our local library has a wonderful selection so that put paid to my buying any more books! 

Subsequently, a neighbour gave me a whole stack of condensed books and that certainly sealed the lid on my wanting anything else for 2013. What did they say about abundance? LOL

Pic from FB

Anyway, despite promising myself that I wouldn't buy another book till I catch up with the ones I have here and in KL, Stephen took me by surprise and suggested we get "Destined to Reign" by Pastor Joseph Prince.  As it turned out, we'd end up buying two more books: "Unmerited Favour" and "The Power of Right Believing".  

We're  both on the last book now and savouring every word.

Time

Picked this image from FB

It's true.  The image says it all.

I thought that retirement would be when I had all the time in the world to do everything.  As it turns out, there still isn't enough time to do all that I want.  

Maybe the fun is not in finishing what we set out to do.  Maybe the fun is having something to do tomorrow or completing what we started today. There are days when I do absolutely nothing. Nothing here means nothing meaningful in the eyes of society!!!  But nothing for me is sometimes what is good for my soul.

What matters at the end of the day is that I'm done with doing everything or doing nothing.  I go to bed happy and sleep.  

Later this month, I shall be starting something meaningful.  I believe that I am ready for it.  I'll be out of my comfort zone. well, not totally out of my comfort zone but I will be doing something that I hadn't done in a long time.  I'm looking forward to it.  

Stay tuned...

2014 Resolution

Pic from FB

My only resolution for 2014 is to pray more.

Home away from home

Pic from FB

For over fifty years, home was always Malaysia.

When I moved to Singapore last year in March, I wondered if I would ever feel at home here.  These thoughts were guarded in my heart and not spoken out loud. I never gave them much place in my head although they came to disturb me every now and again.

People always asked if I love it here and my answer is always, "yes, I love it very much".  I don't know if I wanted to convince them or myself.

Being a believer in the power of the spoken word, I always say positive things for the benefit of others as well as for myself.

I don't know exactly when I began to feel that Singapore felt like home to me.  Maybe it was when I returned to KL and saw all the familiar roads, faces and places and yet I was a little detached from it all.  

There probably wasn't any particular moment when Singapore began to feel like home. It just happened bit by bit and then a simple remark made it all come together.

Let me explain that.  

A few days ago, Stephen went to get curry laksa from the hawker centre for me.  The lady who took his order was going to put a dollop of sambal into the packet when Stephen motioned her not to. She looked at him and said, "If this is for your wife, she likes it".  

When he came home and told me about it, I was amused.  She was right because I do like that extra kick to the laksa.  

It's like in the sitcom "Cheers" where everybody knows your name. 

In my case, it's not my name but it dawned on me that when the neighbourhood hawker lady knows how I take my curry laksa, Singapore is home.

I gave up a lot when I left Malaysia to be with Stephen but what I have here with him is invaluable.