And then it was ten

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TEN YEARS is a long time. 

I retired from work on 29 February 2012 and tied up loose ends before arriving in Changi Airport on the 12 March 2012.

It is still fresh in my mind how uncertain I was to make that final leap although everything was already set in motion.  And yet, here I am ten years later.   

Oh yes, I'm not a robot who makes cold, hard decisions without thinking or feeling!  It was a bold move to give up a life I'd known for so long.  A life in my own country and a place I called home was not an easy one to leave behind.  Yet, the pull of a new chapter and to be by the side of the one person who always gives me support wasn't a totally difficult choice, either.  

When I look back now and think of my heart pounding then, I know I was just being human because this is what real people feel.  Taking chances is never easy as in a marriage, having a baby or moving away because we don't know the outcome.  We have to give it a shot and make the best out of it. 

I'm glad I hesitated.  It made me weigh the pros and cons.  What would the reward be if there were no risks?  We take the risk making that jump from what is familiar to all that is unfamiliar.  That's the challenge accepted and that's the challenge to overcome.  If I was a hundred per cent certain, then there would not be the element of winning/losing or of any change.  But a winning change makes all the difference when you reflect.  

Everyone gets dealt with a lousy hand at cards sometimes.  We face circumstances that we can embrace or we can lament the predicament and make each day miserable. We have the option to either make it through or make it work.  

I'd like to say I made it work.  Not for anyone but for me.  I did what I could for others for the most part of my life and now I'm really learning to do what I can for me.  That is the achievement. 

It hasn't always been easy but in the bigger picture, and in hindsight, I can sincerely say, on a scale of one to ten, I'd give this life a TEN.

Uncomplicated Life

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I just realised that the previous three posts were about the death of loved ones.  I hadn't noticed at first as it was something unconsciously done.  Only wrote so I wouldn't forget.

And I made a decision to stop because this blog isn't just for remembering people who have gone but it is also to enjoy the ones who are still with us.

I know I've said that I write for the future me.  When memories start to fade, I can dive into my blog and re-read some of the events that have made an impact on me.  Hence, I must not get into the habit of only writing when someone dies.  I must start writing about the good things that are around.  The fun people that are in my life.  There is much to be grateful for despite and in spite of Covid-19 still raging in our midst.

I've been doing practically nothing since the April 2020 circuit breaker in Singapore and since there is no travelling, I've been indoors almost all of that time.  Most people would have gone mad but not me as I have become slightly introverted.  Or maybe it is the opposite effect kicking in after having had to go out nearly every day for almost all of my life.  Either it was because of work, duty or even a holiday, I was, shall I use the word, forced to go out.  Now there are days when I don't even step outside the door.  While people consider it a punishment, I didn't, at all, find it unpleasant.  

There is so much to do at home.  There's housework which is never-ending.  We decide when to stop, that's the truth.  There's Netflix and that too is a slippery slope once you get immersed in a series.  And books, but I've not been reading much.  I don't really know the reason why.  I tell myself it's the print that I find too small for comfort.  I tried online books but that too, didn't have the same effect that reading always had for me.  Then there's news which I skim through nowadays because it can be bleak and depressing.  I just keep abreast of what's happening in the world.  It's not like I have to sit for any test so I just glance at headlines and only go deeper if I want more details.  

Apart from doing, there's also the not-doing things like napping.  I find that since I am up at 6 am on most days, I nap more often nowadays.  When I used to sleep in, I didn't really nap much.  But again, who's checking and I nap as I please.  There's joy in being able to do it at any time.  Those dozing off in my chair times are the best.  It is a luxury as I can still remember fighting off sleepiness and tiredness when I was working!!!  

Yes, to some, my lifestyle is a kind of nonsense as I just let one day slide into the next.  But isn't that the goal of many!  To eat, drink and be merry is what people say we need to do!

Really it is simple now for me.  Don't complicate life.  

If I get through one day, it's enough.  

At my age, there are no more dreams to chase or goals to achieve.  

I just want to be healthy, happy and whole.

A hattrick for March 2019

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Goal 1 ~ First time that I had lived in a hotel for two weeks; fourteen days of almost doing nothing!  Bliss!

Goal 2 ~ First time I touched sixty years of age.  Yes!  Six decades on this planet earth.  It was nice to have celebrated my birthday in beautiful Kota Kinabalu, Sabah

Goal 3 ~ First time becoming a grandmother and welcoming the arrival of our grand-daughter, Cayla Gail Cheow.  Stephen and I are overwhelmed by everything about her.

I told Jared and Gwen that this is the best gift ever: a gift that will keep growing and growing.  

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We had breakfast with this view nearly every day.  Except for the morning of the day that Cayla Gail was born.  She is more important than food!!!

I do miss it.  I also miss the buffet spread even if I'm not a breakfast person.  I did enjoy the wide selection of local and western delights and being spoilt for choice with fruits and breads galore.  

And after breakfast, we usually return to the room and I always choose to sit by the window to enjoy the view and just feel thankful for all the blessings in my life.  I would usually read a bit while Stephen would wander off to the sauna or gym.  

I took this picture. 

For my birthday dinner, Stephen took me to the Club Lounge.  Just us, because I'm not a party person and I like things quiet and simple.

We chose to sit by the window looking at the setting sun.  This was a moment of bliss for me.  As I took in all the ups and downs in my life, I could see that it has led me to this particular place in time.  I am feeling contented with all who are around me and with me.

There weren't many people, at any one time but it made the ambience quiet and romantic!  I would like to go back again with the children.  The setting is so elegant and the food was absolutely delicious.

While not a drinker by any stretch of the imagination, I did indulge in this Singapore Sling.  I had never ever tried it even after living in Singapore for over 7 years now.  I decided that I like it very much and had two!  Heck!  I'm sixty only once!

And then, stepping out on the balcony, we had this magnificent and glorious sunset for an unforgettable and fitting close to my celebration of 60 years of living.   

I took this picture.  God's masterpiece.

At the end of any day or year or milestone, we need to reflect on all that is good in our lives.  We also need to be thankful to the people who love us, unconditionally.  

Thank you to God for an absobloominglutely unforgettable celebration of love and life.  I am so blessed.  I am so very blessed.

Guess what?  We're going back to KK again, soon!!

Of Love and Coffee

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Life isn't perfect!  

It isn't always fun and uncomplicated but it can still be great!

Sometimes we have to take great over perfect and know that this makes for a good life.

Most mornings, I am asleep while my husband makes the coffee.

Most mornings, I wake up to the smell of coffee even before I open my eyes.

Most mornings, I hear my husband tiptoeing around happily getting ready to go to work.

Most mornings, I laze in bed; long after he's planted a kiss on my forehead before leaving.

It's not a perfect life that I have but it sure is a great life when there is love and coffee.

Moving along and moving on

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I don't know when I started to feel this way.  I guess with age, does come some wisdom.  A few years ago, I'd be mad and be so annoyed with people and situations but now I can just shrug my shoulders and actually accept it.

Naturally, I may react and brood a bit but these days, I get over it so quickly that life is so much easier now.  

I'm happier and contented with the choices I make.

I realise that the power, to be me, is mine.  I will be who I am, no matter how others are.

400

Just like Spartan, the movie, with only "300" as the title, I thought just putting 400 is catchy and dramatic.

It's my 400th post and after all this while, I still find joy in writing because it's how I organise my thoughts and also my memories.  Without this blog, I'd have forgotten all the little stuff that can get lost in the bigger events of life.

Once in a while, I go and check STEEST for something and then I get lost, going through some old stuff I'd written and the same goes for SFGEMS.  Sometimes I don't even remember ever writing what I've posted.  That, for me, is always a nice surprise.  

First, because I think my mind conveniently decided to remove all traces of that blog content knowing that it's been saved.  Clever, if I’m right!  But it could either be that I am automatically deleting some of those memories or it is just part and parcel of forgetting due to old age.  It is a good thing then that I had put down those moments into words.

Second, because I can retrace my state of being, at that given point in time, via what I have written.  

And today with my 400th posting, I'm celebrating because I've stuck to keeping this blog alive, even when I've been lazy or busy.  

Whether or not I have an audience of one or a thousand, it is still a great thing to me. 

Small details

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There are thousands of small details in my life that just fills my heart up.  Just simple things that Stephen does to make me happy.  Things like

- putting off my alarm so I can sleep on

- sitting in the park watching me exercise

- making my morning coffee because, well, he brews!

- praying over me when I'm not feeling good

- buying durians when he can't stand the smell

- giving me space when I'm watching my favourite Singaporean TV show

- checking my wallet and filling it with money

- following me to get stuff and carrying all the bags

- putting a fresh towel out for me when I'm in the shower

- queueing for my food and drinks at the kopitiams

- matching up two different slippers of mine and waiting for me to notice.

- saying he'll meet me at the curry leaves station. Private joke there.

I'll keep adding to this list because I realise that sometimes I take for granted that it's the small details in our lives that make a big difference.

When I'm older and greyer, I hope I'll come back here and see this list again.

25 kgs ago

Without any difficulty I can be transported back to 25 years ago when I was also, probably, 25 kgs lighter.  I was way too thin then and some people even thought I had cancer!  It's crazy looking back to those days but really it's no different from today when people still have crazy thoughts.  

Today, 25 years ago, I started work at the Embassy of Peru, which accounts for nearly 20 years of my life.  It's been more than five years since I left but my google calendar reminded me.  I hold many good and great memories of my time there.  It was a steep learning curve when I started work but I embraced all the lessons.

From an inner room with only a window to the corridor, I was given this beautiful office space.  How many hours I must have clocked from sitting there for so many years. 

I miss this office set up for when I need to do stuff.  Everything within easy reach!  And the beautiful hand-crafted Peruvian tapestry which was my favourite among the many that we displayed in the Embassy. 

On days when there wasn't a single cloud in the sky like this and the sun's heat could be felt even through the tinted-glass, reminding us that even things we cannot see, can affect us.

To days when clouds formed but never stayed permanently as part of the sky, very much like how life is; ever-changing but always interesting

And when the rains poured so heavily at mid-day, it was impossible to see beyond this Hotel next to us and I have stood watching the trees being tossed around with great admiration for their determination to stay rooted.

Then it passes, the clouds pull back and everything comes back into focus and we can see clearly again that even when things seem to have been lost, they were still there but just hidden.

Suddenly the sun will shine through again and reminds us that no matter how many storms we go through, it's not going to be dark always.  Light will overcome darkness if we are patient enough.

I never tire of  seeing the fountain and the sounds made when it lands back into the pool of water.  I remember the shade from these stately trees!  I'm glad that Wisma Selangor Dredging had this mini oasis to balance the concrete jungle.  Tranquility when least expected.

View from the conference room where we often had our lunch.  A place where many secrets were shared, tears were shed but also where there was so much laughter.  The rolling-on-the-floor type of laughter that I cherish until today.  It's also the place where we gathered for a lunch pizza party when Obama won the elections.

 This is the corridor where my colleague, Ivy,  taught me how to linedance to achy breaky heart one Friday afternoon when the office had closed for the day.

 I'm truly glad that I took some pictures before finally leaving the place that helped to mould and shape me into the person that I am today.  

That's a glimpse of me with my favourite ambassador, H. E. Alejandro Gordillo.  We still stay in touch via emails and whatsapp

A quarter of a century has passed and still I have such a vivid memory of my first day.  With my eyes closed, I can see myself wearing a light-yellow two-piece outfit for that new chapter on 24 June 1992.

High Five

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I could almost forget that I have been living in Singapore for the last five years.  It seems like I've lived here forever.  I still don't know every nook and cranny and I also have yet to do everything that I had wanted to do.  But it has been an adventure being here with Stephen, my Singaporean tour guide. 

Taking a random bus ride with him will bring stories of landmark buildings.  We have started many days with a fixed plan and then suddenly, we're hopping on the first bus that comes along to see where it takes us.  For me, it's still a touristic thing.  Buses ply routes that the trains don't and I can peek into the other lesser known places of Singapore.  

Life here is peaceful but full.  There isn't a day that goes by when I don't clasp my hands in prayer for the fact that I am here now.  I don't know for sure if I will always be here.  Maybe it's not knowing anything now that makes it exciting.  I would like to think that I would manage well wherever life takes me.  I didn't use to think so but now I'm convinced that I would be fine.

These days we no longer feel lonely when people are just a click away with an internet connection.  Friends reach out and family stay in touch without thinking about it.  It's become the norm.

This year, my to-do list is to walk across the Henderson Wave Bridge.  I think that I've put it off long enough and when the weather is great, we'll suddenly find ourselves there.  Hopefully it will be in the evening so we can soak in the awesome views and sunset.  

In my early twenties, I used to think that my life was so routine and that I could give an arm and leg for some excitement.  Now in my late fifties, I no longer look for that excitement because it now dawns on me that what fills my life is being loved.  That's my fuel and if I am honest with myself, I am truly contented.

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Fifth New Year in Singapore

When I first arrived to Singapore in 2012, I carried my camera everywhere.  I felt like a tourist and I wanted pictures to sort of document my first year of living here.  

Just wanted to leave these images here for my future reference.  

Carefree and car-free!

I saw this huge banner outside the NEX Mall recently. I guess it's to encourage people to take public transport. It caught my eye because it's catchy and does epitomise my life here in Singapore.

I suppose it only means much more to people who once drove daily. When I look back on how many hours I spent behind the wheel of a car, it boggles the mind. 

Since moving away from the hustle and bustle of KL living and into the concrete jungle of Singapore, I haven't really felt a sense of inconvenience without a car.  I thought I would and maybe I did have some fleeting moments of "I need a car" when I first arrived but now after nearly five years I don't even think about it.  I've adapted well.

Even when I am back in KL, I hardly ever drive now.  I do when I have to but usually my son or daughter-in-law takes the wheel. I used to not like being a passenger before.  I always wanted to be the driver.  But they are both excellent drivers and I've learnt to take the back seat.  I can place my trust in them.  I don't say this lightly because there are many horrible drivers around.  Also I pride myself on being a rather good one and when I let someone drive me around, it's not just for convenience but also because I have faith in their driving skills.

Sometime over the last few years I had developed a new sense of being carefree and car-free.  This has to do with getting used to moving around via trains, buses and/or taxis.  I've yet to use uber but I just registered.  :)

It's a good advertisement!  I like it.  It suits me.  It works for me. 

Go crazy

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There really aren't many things that I could go crazy about nowadays.  I'm sure when I was young I was the opposite but that's what makes for moments when our soul smiles quietly in remembering.

I lead a rather boring life as compared to those around me.  I don't do anything out of the ordinary.  But when I feel like doing something crazy, there's nothing to stop me.  In fact, there's no one either.  

Like last night I watched 15 episodes of a TV series and finished at nearly 5 am this morning.  I wasn't sleepy and it was such an interesting show.  I woke up at 8.30 am and then went back to sleep almost immediately until noon.  Mild crazy but crazy all the same.

It's nice to be able to do stuff like this without having to weigh the consequences.  Stephen applauded me when I told him why I was so sleepy.  He's my best cheerleader!

And just one moment of craziness has left me with a glow in my heart and a skip in my step.

To make things even better, the universe rewards me with an unexpected surprise this evening.  Life is so gooooooooooood!

I wish...

Image picked from Twitter

Valentine's Day has come and gone.  There were so many wishes from family and friends that I was overwhelmed.  

For me, it's an over-rated event but I just love spreading the love.  I wasn't alone.  Some sent more than one wish and it was like a competition to see who sent the best image.  At the end of the day, I just couldn't choose which was my favourite.  I loved them all.

Stephen was working so it was a quiet day for us until he came home. 

How did we spend the evening?  We went to church!

It's one of the things we love doing together.  Sometimes he will say something meant only for me and which no one else would understand.  I'm sure many couples have their secret codes between them.

Loking back on our years together, I think that hearing him say "I wish I knew you earlier" has to be the most touching.  I've always made light of the moments when he says this but really it speaks so much about his love for me.

As another Valentine's Day has come and gone, I'm counting my lucky stars again.  

I wish.....

                   for many, many more years together. 

Stephen cooking?

It's a little known fact but Stephen can cook!  

Almost four years ago when I first arrived to Singapore, I caught the most awful cough and flu.  Maybe it was the Singapore germs giving me a good welcome and helping me to build up immunities because since then, I've been fine.

It was during this time that I found out that Stephen could cook and tasty food too.

It's always nice to know that he can come up with something without recipes or experience or anything. 

When I think of that time when I was so ill, lying down and praying I would feel well soon, I also think of Stephen pottering around the kitchen and making pancakes for breakfast and a most delicious soup for lunch/dinner.  

I must pujuk him to repeat that performance!  Hahahahahaha!

The best 2015 moment!

Image from my whatsapp

A couple of days ago, I asked Stephen what was his most memorable moment of 2015.  He didn't hesitate at all.  He said it was when Jared and Gwen got registered.  His joy and excitement was obvious to everyone.

I believe him and we also have a video to prove it.    But that's in keeping with his personality which is always bubbly and effervescent!

For me, the registration was also a great moment, after all a marriage is such a momentous step for anyone.  

Yet, in keeping with who I am, my most memorable moment was a quiet and private one.

It was on 19 September 2015 at 3.27 pm, I was in the bus, heading to the Nursing Home to see my MIL and a whatsapp message (shown above) came in. 

Stephen added, "you are love and love is you" plus a little bit more. It was so random and unexpected that I was taken aback. 

It was just an ordinary and simple thing for him to do but for me, it was a sweet gesture of love, so blind, that sees beyond all my faults.  Is there any kind of love better than this?  I am so very blessed.

It is my best 2015 moment.

New Year's Eve

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It's a good question to ask oneself!  Over the last 365 days, so much would have happened and even when we cannot remember everything, it's important to think about what we learnt from it all.

Me?  Hmmmmmmmmm

~ that I can depend on the grace of God for everything.  I did things which I didn't know I was capable of doing.  

~ that the people we love won't always love us back but we have to strive to continue loving them.  

~ that difficulties help us find inner strength and prayers help everytime.

~ that money can make people happy especially if they are in need.

  

~ that the year has been challenging in many ways but I have survived and life goes on.

Make it simple and you'll be able to achieve it.

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My cup runneth over

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Jared tied the knot at the ROM on Monday, 30 November 2015 after five years of courtship.  Their church wedding will be in 2016. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Young love is so wonderful.  

It's a week since and we're still deliriously happy that everything went so well. The simple ceremony, lovely lunch and dinner/drinks session all made for a totally memorable day. 

While it was quite exciting to finally hear the words, "you are now husband and wife", the defining "moment" for me was during the lunch when I suddenly looked around and felt overwhelmed by all the good people there who love this young couple so unconditionally.  It's a beautiful thing to be surrounded by so much positive energy.

My MIL congratulated me twice.  I can understand her joy. Jared is her first grandson!  I have been immensely blessed to have her as my MIL.  She has been a great role model with her love, encouragement and support for everything I've done.  

Katherine Hepburn nailed it by saying that it's not about what you are expecting to get.  It's always about what you are expecting to give.  May Jared and Gwen hold this message in their hearts and be blessed always by all the love that surrounds them.

My cup runneth over.... 

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And I love him so...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY GROSSE!

34 years to go....

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Recently I was at the celebration of a nonagenarian!  Yes, not a birthday party but truly a celebration because not many people reach the age of 90.

I searched my memory for another person of the same age and I couldn't!!

What is it like to be 90?  If my Aunt Therese Fitzgerald is anyone to go by, then it must be wonderful. I watched her sitting so beautiful and poised at the main table and saw how she enjoyed all the family and friends surrounding her.  The love and energy in the room was tangible.  

I wonder what goes on in the mind of someone at that age.  I see others, some even younger, in the Nursing Home who are physically and mentally challenged.  Aunt Therese is still alert and shows a keen interest in everyone and everything.  Is this the secret?

The elegant Therese Fitzgerald

I don't know if I will even see 90 but if I do, I hope that I will have kept my mind intact and still be able to recognise all my loved ones.  I also hope that I will have the ageless beauty and serenity of Therese Fitzgerald

A long way to go......... 

Friends...

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I have tons of friends.  While this is what many would also say, I'm sure most would agree that some of our friends are really just friends when things go their way and the moment that it doesn't, WOOOOOOOOSH, out come the expletives and all the negativity.

It seems that a friend is supposed to never say NO, never disagree, never disappoint and surely never to rock the boat.  If this is the criteria, I fail, fail, fail and surely fail.

For me, friends are the ones with whom I will have differences of opinions and/or with whom I am able to say "I cannot" because they will love me just the same.

What I've learnt is that friends will come and friends will go but the good ones will always be there and will always remain in your lives.

Dumbledore got it right!  *grins*

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I'm mightily blessed that in the last year, I've had only good people in my circle.  *clasps hands in prayer of thanksgiving*