57 years today

It's your birthday and, of course, I think of all that could have been and I wonder. I always wonder about how life would have been if you hadn't gone so suddenly.

What comforts me is that many others join me in missing you so much.  

I miss you a lot today. 

  

Both sides now

Pic from WWW

Long ago I wrote a short letter to the editor of the local newspaper and it was published.  I believe that the only reason it was picked up, is the fact that I took a neutral stand in, what was then, a very controversial event.

I can't even remember if I kept the cutting.  I suppose it wasn't as it is today, when handphones are equipped with cameras and people snap pictures of anything and everything.

Stephen and I watched the live telecast of the Pistorius verdict being read out yesterday. I liked the way Judge Thokozile Matilda Masipa dealt with all the information.  She sifted through and looked only at what she felt were relevant and discarded what didn't have a bearing on the matter.  I admire the way she looked at everything objectively.  It must not be easy, in a case that has captured worldwide attention, to display such calm and composure.  I really enjoyed watching and listening to her.  (The verdict continues later today).

My thoughts went back to many situations where only one side was heard and accepted.  I suppose it's human nature to pick a side. Anyway, it's always wiser to know both sides of any story.  Sometimes both are wrong because neither is right.  Or both are right and neither is wrong. People say that in life there are no absolutes.  I think this is true.

Half a year and half a smile :-)

Pic from Facebook

Half a year has gone by already.  I just don't know where time has gone.

Stephen often tells me that once American Idol is over, time just picks up speed. Hahahahahahaha.  We didn't even watch it this year.  How many have there been? Thirteen!  So he's said it that many times!  Funny guy!

Then when 9 August comes  and goes, he'll say, "Time to play Christmas carols now".  The truth is that he plays them as and when he feels like it.  This always makes me smile because thoughts of Christmas bring happy memories.

June ended with a nice Eurasian meal with cousins and some catching up.  Sometimes I am so happy I could just burst.  Actually, I was so full that I felt I could burst.  I ate too much! :-(

So July has started!  The kids are coming again for a short stay and we are already thinking of how to cram everything into those days.

I hope I shan't neglect my blog as much as I did in June.  After all, what else would there be to do later in life except to flip through these postings and reminisce. 

Spoiled or Spoilt

Pic from WWW

I guess this must be an image from America because of the word 'spoiled'.  Apparently, the US uses it while the majority of the English-speaking world prefer the term "spoilt". Well, no matter what the spelling, it sums up exactly where I am today.

Long ago before we got married, Stephen told me that all I needed to do was love him and he'd do the rest.  It was not something I took lightly and it was quite a romantic declaration.  Often, I think of that moment, smile and feel fuzzy all over.  I must be a romantic at heart! LOL

That thought did play a huge part in my decision to get married and he has not asked for anything more than that.  Bless his soul.

I would never have believed that it would be so simple. 

Love begets love.

Look! A book!

Pic from WWW

I said I wouldn't buy any books in 2014.  It's not even half a year and already I've reneged on that.  

I've tons of books in Malaysia and some more in Singapore.  Add to this, the fact that  I live near a very good library which has books in large print (for easy reading) and you can understand why I didn't really need to buy any.

But I'm like a book junkie.  I find it almost irresistible to pass a bookshop without going in to buy and/or browse.  

No hope for the book weaklings!  :( 

After the storm ...

Pic from FB

There's a storm upon us.  It's raining heavily outside. Not typhoon winds or anything close to catastrophic "run into the basement for shelter" kind of weather but the rain was so heavy and almost deafening.

I literally saw/heard it coming.  The dark clouds keeping the sun away and the sounds of thunder rumbling in the distance.  Just as I told Stephen that it was going to pour, the drops came.

When it first poured, the drops were so huge that they made a beautiful polka-dotted pattern on the pavement at the back.  Just as soon as they appeared, they disappeared because they joined so quickly that they just became meshed together.  At the height of the storm, I didn't dare open the window to peep outside. It's what I like to do and often I am rewarded with a spray of the cold rain on my face!

It's easing now and the winds have died down. 

It's nice to be home when it's raining.  So many times before when I was at work and there was a storm outside, I used to be mesmerised by nature's fury. I used to envision myself (in the future), at home, with a cup of coffee and a book/laptop. 

Life is a little like that.  We meet and greet the storm and then it's over.  The rain trickles and the skies clear up and everything looks better.

Here I am now, at home, and it is every bit as nice as I imagined it would be.

Plink PLANK Plonk

Image from FB

Last year when my son told me about planking, I looked at him and sniggered.  I thought, "What's so hard about that?".  So I got down next to him to show him I could do it effortlessly.  I could only manage 6 seconds! I was flabbergasted. Was something that looked so simple really so difficult?

Not long after that, I saw this image on FB and although the timings there show Day 1 as 20 seconds, I was unable to do it.  It took me awhile to get better at it.  Although quite an active person, I realised that my core strength was lacking and so I kept planking.  

Now I'm doing about 50 seconds and that is quite a good improvement. Stephen is doing about 80 to 90 seconds but he's always been fitter than I am.  He tells me that it's not about the timing but more about improving the timing with each week.  

I don't do it every day but I do it as often as I remember.  I am aiming to hit the miracle 60 seconds (1 full minute) soon.  The 30-day challenge isn't important to me.  It's doing it as often as I can and increasing my timing gradually.  Already I feel a difference and, in the case of Stephen, I see the difference.  

Brand new!

Many times, as a teenager, I wished that I could have a brand new start when hormones were raging and everything seemed dark and dreary.  Nobody understood me and neither did I understand anyone.  

There were even times when I wished I was in another country. I remember feeling so depressed after watching S.W.A.L.K.  I used to lay awake at nights just hoping that I could meet Mark Lester and wanting so desperately to live in the U.K.  Too much TV/movies made me believe that life elsewhere would be better. When I was more matured, I realised that life is good wherever you make it to be.  

At the end of my teen life, I saw this particular quote and it had a profound effect on me.   This gave me a fresh look about my life and that I could make a brand new ending.  As it turned out, circumstances threw me chances to shape and re-shape my life along the way.  

Many things were life-changing but the ones that stand out would be my parents getting a divorce, moving out from home, getting married, having children, being widowed, re-marrying, retiring and finally relocating.  Each time it propelled me to something better and each beginning is an ending to something and each ending is also a beginning.

I think that we would do well to remind teenagers and also adults that there is always the possibility to stop at anytime and start again.  This only needs to happen in our heads.  It's what makes life interesting and ever-changing.

Moving on

Pic from FB

It seems clear to me that who we were in the past is always dredged up by people unable to deal with the present.  Maybe the root cause of talking about it stems from being unhappy with how things are now.  Happy people just don't look backwards.  

One of the luxuries of being contented today is not having to dwell on what was and just enjoying what is.

Why then do people like to look back?  Even worse than just looking back is when facts of their former life are distorted. Changing, shaping and re-arranging stories have become essential as the air they breathe.

Our past is important.  When we learn to accept it for what it was, we can then appreciate the present.  Some people become better but most become bitter.

Pic from FB

Only then, will we have learnt the art of moving on.  

A twist in the tale

I don't know if I've ever made anybody cry by telling the truth.  I do know that it changed many things around my life when I was in primary school.

The first time that I doubted this advice of "telling the truth" involved answering a question.  

When I was twelve years old, a school friend asked me if I was her best friend.  Truthfully, I didn't know the meaning of best friend then. I just knew in my heart that she was a good friend and that was it.  She insisted that I answer and I told her the truth.  I said, "No, you're a good friend".  In turn, I asked her if I was her best friend and she said, "Yes".  

However, I was no longer her best friend after I told her the truth. We drifted apart and after a bit, we even stopped talking.  I have wondered about this many times.  Had I lied would it have changed the course of my life?  Would it have cost me anything to have said that she was my best friend when she wasn't?

I have often wondered about her and where she is today.  Maybe she won't even remember this incident.  Maybe it no longer matters to her that I said what she didn't like to hear.  But maybe she wonders about me and where I am today, as well.  I will never know.

Although I never gave it too much thought, the fact that telling the truth didn't work out so well taught me a lesson I will never forget.

Not everybody will appreciate it when you tell the truth.  

I dare you!

Pic from Facebook

It's really a strange world out there in Facebook land!  Rather than be the person that they are in real life, many choose to portray a completely different persona.

This begs the question of why they do it!  Could there be a reason for hiding behind a facade?  

People must love you for who you are and it is precisely for this reason that we must dare to be who we are.

Any other way and it won't last.  

When we end the masquerade and the charade, those still remaining in our lives, are the ones that truly know us and love us.  

Alarm Bells Ringing

I haven't needed an alarm clock for a very long time.  The moment that cellular phones came equipped with an alarm option, I began using it.  I think that today many people do this already.  They use their cellular phones in place of the good old alarm clocks.  If this is the case then, are alarm clocks already obsolete, I wonder?

Most times I can wake up before the alarm rings and this is only because I love to put it off before it breaks the silence of the morning.  When I am tired, then the alarm wakes me up but usually it is a nice piece of music that does the job.

When I was still working, it was "Finally by Fergie" that started my day.  I loved how it started with "Ever since I was a baby girl, I had a dream...".  Give it a listen here.

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream

Cinderella theme

Crazy as it seems

Always knew that deep inside

that there would come that day

But I would have to wait

Make so many mistakes

I couldn't comprehend 

As I watched it unfold

This classic story told I left it in the cold

Walking through unopen doors that led me back to you

Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth

I finally got lost inside of you

I finally know I needed to grow

And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]

Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though we will have our differences

Something strange and new is happening

Finally 

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew 

I acted like a fool

Just trying to be cool

Fronting like it didn't matter

I just ran away

Put on another face

Was lost in my own space

Found what it's like to hurt selfishly

I was scared to give up me

Afraid to just believe

I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place

Stumbled through the mess that I have made

I Finally got out of my own way

I Finally started living for today

I finally know I needed to grow

And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]

Finally 

Now my destiny can begin 

Though we will have our differences

Something strange and new is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally yea...

Finally 

Now my destiny can begin 

Though we will have our differences

Something beautiful is happening,is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhhh!!

Finally, Finally...Finally....

Gone are the days when the jarring sounds emanate from a tiny thing that some people put across the room so that they have to literally get out of bed to shut off.

I don't have that problem.  I can wake up no matter how little sleep I've had the night before.  In fact, I can sleep at 4 am and then wake up at 6 am and I'd be good to go for several hours.  

I used to think that young people would make better candidates at managing with less sleep but I am now convinced that MOTHERS are the ones that win in this category.  They are the ones that have it in them to continue even when they are tired.  There is a hidden gene inside them that is activated once the baby is born.  

For years, I longed for the day when I would never have to set an alarm again and now it's here.  It is as wonderful as I thought it would be.  Finally!

Enjoy a Moment

Pic from FB

It's a beautiful morning.  I woke up early and watched the sky turn from a deep dark hue to a light blue with puffy-looking clouds.  I didn't stand there watching it do that.  I just took a look each time I went to the kitchen to do something.

We have no window grills and each time that I am in the kitchen, I take a peek outside.  At 11.11 am, the sun was shining and it was very windy!  

My favourite ten-storey tall tree is sturdy but the wind shakes the branches and the tree responds by releasing the tiny leaves that almost float in the air.  These are flying all over and often they land in my kitchen.  Like today, there are several leaves which have found their place on my floor. This used to annoy me but nowadays I am glad to see them.  I have convinced myself that nature is paying me a visit and saying 'hello'.  

I've been in the business of rushing around almost all of my life that I often forget how to enjoy a moment.  It's a day like today that I check myself, with a reminder that I should just be grateful for the blessing of being able to pay for the moment by just enjoying it.

Rushing, Resting and Retiring

Pic from FB

Rushing through life is what we do automatically.  We wake up and immediately we get on the treadmill of life and we don't stop until we get to bed.  We do it unconsciously and think that this is real life.

I did that automatically for years.  Well, there were moments when I didn't feel the rush.  It would have been the days when I wasn't well and I was stuck at home, in bed and resting.  Isn't it amazing how our bodies can force us to take a break when we need it?

More than ever before, I am now grateful that I have learnt to slow down.  Before, I had the notion that if I slowed down, I would lose the momentum.  I was afraid that if I didn't keep on rushing, I'd reach the end of the day with unfinished tasks.  So this spurred me on when I was studying and then working.  Yet, I found that the more I did, the more there was to be done.

I realise that it is not a good thing to always be rushing around.  What did I hope to accomplish?  Was I expecting approval from those around me?

I guess it's easier for me to say all this now that I am retired but I really wish I had known earlier.

Many people want to have the best out of life and rush about hoping to get it.

The funny thing is that if you want to get the best out of life, you have to slow down.  Now I get it!

  

Going Green

Pic from FB

Okay, the title is misleading.  This is nothing about being environmentally friendly.  

It's about people who weren't happy and went looking for it elsewhere.  When I saw this picture, I wondered about myself.  

Am I now on the other side because I was unhappy?  I don't remember being unhappy.  I think this doesn't apply to me because 'the other side' for me was where my heart belonged.

It was not easy to make a decision to move.  The grass was green where I was but I think it had to do with me.  Now that I am here, the grass is also green and it also has to do with me.

There lies the secret to where the grass is greener.  It's where YOU give it your love and attention.  

Some left their homeland for the children's education and I think I understand that.  

Some left for political reason and unwillingly, I would imagine.

Some really just wanted a change.  It's not a totally bad thing either.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of reasons why people move away.  Yet, the longing for home remains unabated.  No matter how much they rant and rave about their new location, the ties can't be cut completely.

Rarely do we see or hear of anyone who moves on and never looks back.  Everybody looks back, even if it's once in a while.  The only time that they don't do this, is when it was all bad.  But life is never really all bad.  The good times in our memory usually override the bad ones.  At least, this is true in my case.

Everyone tells me I have a good memory.  I think I do.  Of late, I realise that I am consciously keeping only good memories.  Letting go and forgetting about the sad or bad ones is an ongoing challenge.

Some people say they left for greener pastures.  Really?  Why didn't they go for the greenest pasture?  Green, greener and greenest are all relative, in this case.

Besides, I have a feeling that some people who moved on to greener pastures are green with envy at those who stayed.

And before you clobber me, you shouldn't feel anything if you left your homeland, not for greener pastures but for the right reason.

That's what I did.

Wander and wonder...

Pic from FB

Since I arrived to Singapore almost a year ago, I have found myself in the unique position of feeling at home but in unfamiliar territory.  Other than the area where I live in, all other places have made me feel like a tourist.  Too often, I couldn't find my bearing and didn't know which way to go.  I wandered around but didn't get lost.  I enjoyed it.  Getting lost, I mean.  

However, I am slowly beginning to recognise more landmarks and roads.  Even now, it's still like being in a foreign land.  Well, I am in a foreign land.  Having lived all of my life in Kuala Lumpur where I know most of the roads and lanes, it has been a strange feeling to not know where I am and whether I should go left or right.  While it was disconcerting at the beginning, I have learnt to embrace this uncertainty. 

There is something to be said about being anonymous in a crowd.  I know many like to be known and enjoy being famous but going around incognito gives one a feeling of being 'free'.  I don't really know how to explain this and maybe there isn't any need to. 

Anyway, the one thing that I've appreciated about Singapore is the excellent transport service.  With a little map, one can move around without any difficulty.  

I live almost in the middle of all the MRT lines, between the Braddell (Red Line) and Caldecott (Yellow Line) Stations.  So I have the option to pick whichever will afford me the shortest route.  

Pic from here

Stephen has taught me that getting from one destination to another (via one MRT line) is not necessarily the fastest route.  Now I know  that it may be faster to go from point A to point B and then to point C.   Travel time can be cut in half.  Well, he's a seasoned traveller both here and overseas.  Me?  I've lived almost all my life in one city and I had a car for the last 30 years!  I am learning, though.

The advantage of living in the heart of Singapore is the convenience of getting anywhere so easily. Technically, I live in Toa Payoh but physically, I am nearer to the Braddell station.  This only means that  I am just four stations (8 minutes) away from the hustle and bustle of the famous Orchard Road.  If I ever miss the noise and crowd, I can get my fix easily.  Actually I don't even have to travel so far because just one station (2 minutes) away and I can get everything I want or need at Toa Payoh.

Pic from Wikipedia (Red area shows Toa Payoh)

I didn't realise that I have enjoyed wandering around.  When I first arrived to Singapore, I put it on my bucket list that I would visit each station, at least once, and go do a walkabout.  I believe that there are over a hundred stations (MRT and LRT).  I haven't yet been to all of them.  There is just too much to do and see.  It's still on my list of things to finish in 2013.  

Pic from Wikipedia

Meanwhile, I wander and I wonder.  

To spank or not to spank!

Pic from FB

There's a short but healthy debate about discipline after I shared this picture on Facebook.  I respect that everyone has an opinion and it's always good to read and know how others think.  Either it adds to our thought patterns or it changes how we look at things.

I believe that discipline is good in whatever form you think is right for your family.  It is not something you choose to do but more likely that you need to do.

I've seen parents being emotionally blackmailed by their children.  

I've seen parents sitting helplessly at dinners while their children misbehave.

I've seen parents allowing their children to throw fruits at guests.

How did it get to this?

On Facebook, I mentioned that I was never spanked.  Actually, the more accurate thing would have been to say that I was never spanked by my Dad.  

My parents played the good cop/bad cop game with us.  Hahahaha

BUT nearly an hour later, I suddenly remembered that my Mom did spank me. I must have been 8 or 9 years old.  I vaguely recall that it was for not cleaning a room.  Mom allowed us to make a mess provided we clean it up.  We made the mess and then ran off to play outside.  When we got home, she smacked us.  

Truthfully, I can barely remember being smacked.  But the shame of being punished for not doing something I was supposed to do stayed with me.  It taught me that I should never make a promise and not keep it. 

It wasn't the spanking that hurt.  It was that I had let my Mom down.  She had trusted us to play until the room was a complete mess.  She had trusted us to clean up after that.  We didn't.

I learnt from that.  Maybe I could also have learnt if she had 'talked' to us instead of spanking us.  I don't know.  I only know that the spanking didn't hurt me.  Not in the way that people say they are scarred for life when their parents hit them.

I believe in spanking, when it is necessary.  I think that a little spanking is good for the child's growth.

"To each his own", I believe.

Logically speaking

Pic from Facebook.

Living in Singapore, I've found that people are generally mindful of the type of property you own. While I find it amusing that it is a much sought-after status quo, I do not think that it is a healthy one.  

The picture above does capture what I feel.  One can own a bungalow or condominium but it's not a guarantee that happiness is in equal proportion to the cost of your home.

We live in a small place.  People have asked Stephen where he is staying.  He always says that we live in Toa Payoh.  Usually, it is disbelief that they show when he says that our apartment consists of one bedroom, one kitchen, one bathroom/toilet, one hall/dining area.  In return, they will proudly inform that they live in apartments that have four or five bedrooms.  

He's been through this conversation before and he usually goes on with something along these lines:

Stephen:  There are only two of us and one bedroom is just nice.

Friend:  But it's so small!

Stephen:  How many bedrooms are there in your place?

Friend:  We have four bedrooms!  

Stephen:  How many people stay there?

Friend:  Oh, there are eight of us.  (Parents and 3 married children)

Stephen:  So two to a room.

Friend:  Yes, four couples so four bedrooms.

Stephen:  How many bathrooms?

Friend:  Two.

Stephen:  For eight people!

By now they are getting it!  The scenario is not as cosy as they thought it was.  They were under the impression that they had a nicer life because they had a bigger home.

Logically speaking, we have a better situation.   

What do I do?

Pic from FB

My Uncle Ralph asked me this question just a day ago.  What do I do?  The actual question was, "What do you do with yourself now that you are no longer working?"

The reality is that many people wonder about how I'm adjusting to this life without work.  I take this word "work" to mean being employed and receiving a salary.  So I told him this in my email, "I work at being happy".  

I think that too many people don't work at it and expect happiness to fall in their laps.  It can happen, of course.  But how often would that occur?  Wouldn't it be better to work at being happy and achieving it as often as is possible?

Somehow there wasn't any real adjustment necessary for me when I stopped working for a living.  The whole idea of retiring was always so tempting that I finally gave in to it.  I haven't ever felt any sadness at leaving that behind.  Maybe I will admit that I miss my salary.  Apart from that, I don't miss anything else.  It has been so liberating to have given it up. In any case, Stephen takes care of me now so I don't have to worry about anything.

So what do I do?  I do what makes my heart happy.  

I do whatever good I can for those around me.  I may not do more but I surely won't do less.  Besides, it's easy to be good if you are inherently a good person.

I do what makes me feel good.  Why not?  It's the everyday things that make me happy.  

Sipping my coffee in the morning, unhurried.

Checking Facebook and mails.

Eating breakfast at 11 am or lunch at 3 pm.

Watching TV till 4 am.

Reading till my back aches.

Snoozing when my eyes are tired.

Walking around in shorts and tee shirts.  

Looking at the sky.

Taking a bus ride.

Walking around the malls.

Yes, just everyday stuff that I don't take for granted.  And because I don't take it for granted, I enjoy them even more.

Pic from FB

Debt-Free World

When I started working some 30 years ago, there used to be a weekly free talk during the lunch break.  I attended most of them but only remember two: Time Management and Money Management.

The one on Money Management was good because it gave me a mantra to recite whenever I was tempted to splurge.  The picture above shows what I used to say in my head. I didn't always follow it (life has to be lived on the edge, sometimes) but, basically, it has helped me to stay out of financial woes.

On the last day of 2012, Stephen went out to pay all the utility bills.  When he came home, I had a feeling of euphoria because this meant that we would start 2013 completely debt-free!  Stephen does it more out of habit than anything else.  He hates owing money and pays for everything with cash.  The only time he will use his credit card is, if he has to book a flight.  Then, he will settle it as soon as he can via an online transfer.

So we start 2013 owing nothing to anybody!

As you start this year, this is a good one to memorise and to practise.