100 days, 4 months and 7 years!

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I wasn't counting but I was told that my brother has been gone for 100 days.  It somehow seems surreal that he isn't around.  We hadn't been physically or emotionally close these last years.  But we always kept in touch with bits and pieces of news.  My last conscious memory of being with him was when he was still in the hospital.  I said I'd see him again after my trip to Sabah.  I hadn't imagined that I would see him at his funeral.  For all that we shared, during the good and bad times, I feel a sense of loss; not a tangible one but a kind of sadness that lingers.  

As with every death, the process of letting go is a personal one. For me, it started when I deleted his name from my list of contacts.  When I type in the letter "T", I notice his name no longer appears and somehow still serves as a reminder that he's gone.  I'll miss him from time to time but I'm glad he is no longer suffering.

On a happier note, my grand-daughter is 4 months old.  She is the epicentre in our lives. I use this word liberally because for Stephen and me, she causes earthquake waves of joy.  There is nothing she can do that doesn't make us gush with pride.  As Stephen says, "even her crying is cute".  I'm not so sure of that.  Now that she is back in KL, we will visit her more because it's nearer.  Having said this, our three trips to Sabah were just lovely and a nice break from our routine in Singapore.  We wouldn't have wanted to miss that holiday time either.  But now that she's closer, we're already thinking of when we will go and see her.  

It's exciting to be grandparents.  It is unexplainable feelings of complete and utter bliss to have a grandchild.  It is everything and more that we could ever have imagined.  She doesn't know it yet but her Pops (as he will be called) will be putty in her hands.  Oh well, happy days are ahead for her and, I suspect, for him too.

I almost cannot believe that 7 years ago, I started this blog after my previous one had a glitch.  Neither would it have been possible for me to know that today would be a triple kind of memory anniversary.  We never really know what the future holds and I like what Maya Angelou says about being present in the present.  If I will be honest, it pretty much sums up the 3 events today: forgivingly, prayerfully and gratefully.  

And with that in mind, I remember what my brother once said to me many, many years ago, "let the dead rest in peace and the living go on living".  

6 years ago

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A year can change you a lot.  So imagine what six years can do.

When I first moved to Singapore, I had envisioned my life to fall into a certain pattern and never would I ever have imagined that it would turn out so different from what I had predicted or projected for myself.

My goals then were to read more, spend time in museums and libraries, watch movies and tv, sleep in, sleep late, visit all the malls, blog more, exercise, cook, bake, and even do some charity work.  I think I had done some of this in my first year but after all that, there was always still a lot of time on my hands.  

Although I left Facebook, I found Twitter and Instagram to be a nice outlet to get news, beautiful images and ideas. But even then, there was always still a lot of time on my hands.

Then I noticed a niche that no one else could fill and, unconsciously, I gravitated towards it.  I found out that caregiving was something that I could also do.  Caregiving not in the sense that I had someone at home to look after for 24 hours but someone who I visited as often as I could.  Giving care  or giving a care would be more accurate.

With this newfound path, I decided to give it more attention.  I read up on geriatrics, diseases, palliative care and whatever else I thought would help.  It gave me purpose and made me feel useful.

There was a time when I went to the nursing home everyday and, for a short period, twice a day when it was needed.  When I look back, I marvel at how I did all that.  It would never have crossed my mind, or that of my own family and friends who know me, that I would have the patience and kindness to see to the well-being of an ailing member of my husband's family.  Yet it seems that God's Grace is truly sufficient and I ended up doing what was least expected of me.

It has not always been easy to take charge of and oversee the responsibility that comes with old people but I have the best partner in the world. He always gives me unconditional support and encouragement.  Without him, I wouldn't have been able to do this at all.

Stephen gives me the space to make some decisions and allows me complete freedom to act independently when he is at work.  His confidence in me makes it easier to do what needs to be done.  He's the general and I'm the soldier carrying out my duties.  It works.

Six years ago, I would not have thought it possible that I had,  in me, the fortitude and strength to journey down the road that I have travelled.  

All along, I always thought I was helping someone else but in the process, I was helping myself.  I grew to understand more about life and I have a deeper knowledge of what it means to be there for others whenever we can.  There is no greater personal growth than when we rise above our own circumstances and help someone else.

I have learnt so much and for this I am thankful for all that I've become and still becoming.

I give myself a pat on my back for making my time here count for something.  I think it's called serendipity.  

Side note:  I've always wanted to use that word.  It means the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

Love Magnificent

So so very blessed to belong to a church that teaches about how wonderful our God is and that His magnificent love is for us.

We are ready for the first service at 8.30 am.  I can't remember when I had this kind of excitement for a church service.  

There has never been a Sunday service that hasn't left me awestruck and better informed about the Grace of God.  

We've been swept up by the Grace Revolution.  We just bought the book but I haven't started reading it yet.  I can't wait to start but I'm a stickler for finishing the ones I'm on before I begin a third book. Yup, I have two ongoing books at any one time.  I'm weird like that.

I can't wait for morning!!!!!  We can't wait for morning!!!!!

Singapore celebrates the big 50!

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My day started with coffee made by my husband (Hebrews: get it!).

First thing on our agenda was to attend the 8.30 am service at NCC because we enjoy everything, everytime we are there.

We were early and while waiting, Stephen turned to me and said, "It's Singapore's celebration today and I want you to know how blessed and grateful I am that you're here with me.  I appreciate everything you do for me.  I'm so glad you're my wife". 

I found it very hard to concentrate after that.  His words touched me so deeply.  I'm writing this because I want to remember this moment and some others that really makes me feel so glad to be alive.

Yesterday, I had my Long Term Visit Pass extended for another five years and just like three years ago, it was done on the eve of the National Day.

The excitement began to grow when I saw this goodie bag with some cute stuff inside.  There are dozens of designs but I love this particular one because it depicts Singapore in so many ways.  Each household gets only one and Stephen gave it to me!!!

I took this picture!

AND we had free transport to and fro this morning.  Everyone was smiling and happy.  It seemed, to me, like a rather nice way to give back to the millions of commuters.

I took this picture

Today's church service touched on the jubilee year (Leviticus 25: 8-10) which is a nice and blessed co-incidence.  One of three already but the day is still young, I expect more and maybe a miracle too!

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The best thing for me is that I get to celebrate it with a very patriotic Singaporean. We're ready for the National Day Parade which will start at 5.45 pm.  

As I reflect on what Stephen said to me, this morning, I cannot help but feel extremely blessed today. 

These two images received via whatsapp

Counting what counts

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How fast the days are going by!!!!  I have hardly been on the laptop since I opted out of Facebook.  Before it was a "must-do-first-thing-in-the-morning" so I could have my coffee and browse through all the notifications and go through the timeline.  It's almost six months since I left and it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I have accomplished much more than I expected to and was out of the house less grudgingly.  

Before, leaving my online friends at home made me worry that I was neglecting them.  So silly of me to think that I should live more in the virtual world than in the real.  I look back and analyse this behaviour and see that it was related to my retirement.  The freedom to do whatever and whenever got the better of me and I found myself enjoying the virtual life.  It was fun while it lasted but now I am living in the real world.  It could be likened to taking a long vacation but now it's over and I'm back on terra firma.  

Now, I have had more time to think about me and how I spend my days.  I don't have to worry about responding to comments or seeing how people inadvertently show their true selves.  While it did take a while for me to get over some of the online toxic stuff, there is always enough goodness to replace those things.  

We are like sponges and we absorb whatever we are exposed to.  Thankfully if we listen to enough blessings and good news, the negativity can be reversed.  That's God's Grace in Action.

We can count on God.  For me that's counting on what really counts.

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