Irresolute resolutions

So I was chatting with a friend about doing a-photo-a-day again.  I did it in 2012 with the previous blog I had.  But I realise that I am more unconventional than other people.  Hence I decided that I would save my photo or photos here, whenever or wherever I take them.  I will make an effort to post at least one image daily but I won't let it hold me prisoner of my words.

I told  my friend that when I did the project 366 (it was a leap year) last time, it really made me look at things in a different way.  For sure, I was searching for a photo to take but it also forced me to see things with a more focused view.   And I just noticed that the 2012 and 2021 numbers are a co-incidence.  4D anybody????

Anyway, I will consider this a half-baked resolution.  There!  I've sealed it in writing!  

Most of the last two years have gone by without any documenting except for the uncountable photos of Cayla Gail.  I'm hoping that taking and saving other photos here, will be a good reminder of my 2021 and that we did live despite covid-19 in our midst.

My first photo of this year was of a beautiful kingfisher.  There is actually a pair of them but only one was perched on this tree outside my kitchen window when I took this shot.  It was drizzling but I couldn't capture the raindrops with my Samsung HP camera.

Then while on our way to lunch, I took these other two shots.  I hope they will remind me of the ride to Far East Plaza.

The sign caught my eye because it said "Balmoral Road".  We have been binge watching The Crown on Netflix and I felt that I should get a picture but the rain prevented a clear view.  I never noticed this sign before.  This will help me remember that moment.   Now we're watching The House of Windsor.  God save the Queen!  hahahahahahaha

It had been raining non-stop since before I woke up on the first day of 2021.  I remember hearing the rain in my on/off sleep mode.  When I finally got up, it was a slight drizzle but it stayed wet all day.

Today is no different.  It's another very heavy-pouring-rain kind of day.  I feel like the rain hasn't stopped at all.  

It's already late morning but it's still a bit dark and gloomy.  The sound of the rain is my companion and I need the lights on but not the fan.  

Stephen has gone to work already.   He's such a trooper.  When I feel conventional, he's ready and willing.  When I'm unconventional, he's raring to go.  We're so unlike two peas in a pod but we make it work.

I've made another resolution but that's a secret for now.  I'll share if I have kept it when the year is over.  If not, who cares, right?

Culture of complain

Image from WWW

Complaining is such a pervasive culture.

Often I hear people talk about all their issues; without once saying what they are doing about it.  

The habit of counting all their problems and not ever looking at possible solutions doesn't do much.  Sometimes when a suggestion is made, the quick reply would be, "cannot be done".  How nice it would be if instead, the reply was, "tried that".  

Everyone wants a quick fix.  More precisely, they want a winning lottery ticket but if you ask them if they had bought a ticket, they would say, "No".  

Life isn't always easy but I've learnt that complaining doesn't make it better.

Do I still complain?  Perhaps I do, unconsciously.  Will I do something about it?  Yes, because to complain without doing anything doesn't help.

Day 2 Change of heart

Image from WWW

Just before falling asleep on the first day of 2018, my thoughts were swirling before sleep engulfed me.

Strangely, I thought back to when I was in Primary School and all I wanted was to be a flight stewardess.  Little did I know then that I would outgrow the spirit of adventure that made me fantasize about travelling.  

It was a short poem that got me started on that first dream, and these lines came back easily, even in my drowsy state of mind.  

I'd love to be an air-hostess aboard an aeroplane 

I'd love to visit Italy, or Portugal, or Spain

At dawn from London airport, our jet will roar away, 

and soon we would be touching down for lunch in USA

It goes on but I couldn't remember the rest of it.  I tried to google to get the full poem and also the name of the author but I wasn't successful.

By the time I reached secondary school, I had a change of heart and dropped all thoughts of flying.  Now I wanted to teach.  

Eventually, this became a reality for me and I have many good memories of this decade in my life.  Some of my students are now my friends.  

Just before drifting off, I realised that the places in my travel bucket list is getting smaller instead of bigger.  It really is a curious phenomenon that I had wanted to visit so many countries yet my personality is the opposite.  It has to do with a change of heart.

As I get older, I have less reason to leave the comforts of my home and less reason to explore beyond what is around me.  All I think about is to enjoy the places with the people I love, wherever we may be.  

Stephen still dreams of travelling and, yes, he'll drag me along. And I'll go with a heavy heart but he's always fun and he'll make every journey with him a memorable and exciting one.

And if anyone can make me have a change of heart, it'll be him.

Who knows?  Maybe I'll dream again of far-off places when that time comes.  

Be proud to be you

Image from Facebook

When I left Facebook some years ago, I also left behind some friends with whom I had reconnected after a long lapse of silence.   I may have lost those ties but if I have an email address, I like to send a birthday wish via email even if I don't expect a reply.

Then, surprisingly, replies to two birthday greetings that I sent out in July and forgotten about appeared in my inbox.

One didn't reply earlier because of work and travelling and the other was just a random chance that an old email account was checked!  Whatever happened, I was just happy to receive news and also to know that they knew I remembered.

One of them wrote, "I'm sure likewise you, too, would have been shaped into a person closer to what you really are by the changing parades of events and people."

This made me think a bit and there's a lot of truth in it.  Today another person mentioned this and said, "our ego loses power as we mellow".  Again, it made it me think a bit more and prompted me to write here. 

  

There's power in not pretending to be like others.

There's power in not pretending to like others also.  

Somehow growing older makes us braver to be who we really are.  We become lazy to put up a false front for people and inevitably, circumstances change our perspectives, adding to the change in how we think.

Not everyone likes the changes or more accurately, the peeling off of the masks we put on to please others.  But there's a satisfaction in being the real me. 

Moving forward

Image from Instagram

Recently I was chatting with a friend and he said that he hated it when people told him to "Move on" or "Move forward" whenever he lamented about anything.  It amused me because even if he didn't want to, he was moving forward.

No matter how we dislike the notion of letting the past go, we unconsciously leave a bit behind each day until, suddenly, it no longer becomes an issue.

I know there are people who do mean things daily and don't think twice of it but my friend is one of those who knew he did mean or terrible things.  He regrets having done that.  He wishes he hadn't done them. However, he has moved on, knowing that he can be different from who he was.

In a way, this is true for all of us.  We shed the skin of who we were and we are a new person each and every day!

No one gets to say that we never change. We all change and no one gets to say that they know us well.  No one can because we do change; whether we like it and whether we know it or not.

Change is everchanging...

Image from WWW

Just about a year ago there were long stretches of days when I didn't even step outside the front door.  Of course, I did go out from time to time but it was also possible for me to remain indoors.  I think the longest I stayed home was maybe three weeks.  

Fast forward to 2015 and now there isn't even a day when I am not out and about.  I've gotten used to it that I think if I stayed home, it would feel odd.  

I used to look forward to staying home when there was nothing to do outside the house.  But now that I have to be out everyday, I find that I'm also happy.  I get to feel the sun on my skin.  I see the majestic trees along the road.  I perceive that some people are so kind and it refreshes my faith in humanity.  Wonderful people and things exist everywhere, if only we notice. 

How I've changed from being a closet hermit to whatever is the opposite of that!!  

I'm certain that circumstances will continue to be at the forefront of what determines my being at home or going out.  However, acceptance that change is everchanging gives me courage to face everything and anything that comes along.  

Nothing is permanent except change ~ Heraclitus