Good people

 Image from eli_leo_art

Over the years, I've always felt that it is fine to be around everyone no matter who they are or whatever they say because I grew up with the notion that we are able to emerge from the negativity that sometimes emanates from them.  You know, like the saying, "The lily grows out of mud, yet it is not contaminated."

I probably conveniently overlooked the other possibility that the doom and gloom can stick in our minds.  This, then, creates a slippery slope towards thinking and dwelling in the pits of despair.

Of late, I have unknowingly moved towards and stuck with the family and friends who genuinely love and want the best for me.  It has made such a difference in my life.  They generate the good vibrations for a happy environment.  

There were so many who are happiness vampires!  They suck the smiles out of one's life.  They demand time, presence, responses, and the list goes on.  You disappoint in one and that's it!  I didn't realise it was so tiring and draining.  I stopped apologising and I let it go.  Turned out to be a life-changing decision for me! 

I recommend taking a good look at who is in your midst.  

Grow and glow!

September to remember

GOSH!  IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS SINCE I WROTE ANYTHING HERE!

(Image from Instagram)

I have found that life in this covid-19 era hasn't been all that bad for me.  Oh yeah, I didn't get to go back to KL for nearly two and a half years but eventually we did manage to return and spent almost a month with family and friends.

I'm a homebody so staying in doesn't get to me as much as it has to many others.  Whether we are out and about or not doesn't change that we are passing through the passage of time in our lives.  The paradox is that those who miss being able to go out, are annoyed that there are people who are quite simply satisfied not needing to go out.  And often, the ones who are home, can't fathom the need to constantly be on the go.

Overall, I've long been mindful that I have so much of what I have always dreamed about during my working days.  It was never to travel the world or to own a mansion because that's not who I am. Mostly it was a dream to be debt-free, happy, healthy and contented with life.  

Now I sleep when I want to and wake when I'm fully rested.  I watch TV, read, play online games and chat with Stephen (always an engaging partner for conversation). Our meals are when we sit opposite each other and either eat in silence because the food is so good or we talk about the latest happenings in our family and well, the world also.  Dessert depends on what is available but we usually have the same thing so it's uncomplicated.  As soon as the dishes are washed, we start thinking about tea time.  Luckily we have loads of choices because everything we like is just a bus ride or one MRT line away.  In this regard, Stephen is the obvious choice to go and get something.  More often than not, he comes back with snacks for our TV time.  We are trying (not always successfully) to only have healthy choices.  In general, life is pretty laid-back and easy.  We share chores and so the work is halved.  Of course, Stephen working from home is what makes this possible.  

Our routine makes for a life that I had hoped for but would never have imagined possible.  But here I am!  No complaints except for who is going to choose the show on Netflix!

Anyway, it's September and I want to remember that as long as you have the right partner with you, life is good.  I am just counting my blessings.

The Velveteen me

Image from Instagram (I think)

Too many people enjoy making comments without thinking about the consequences of their words.  Saying things without realising how hypocritical it can be is off-putting.  

To many people, I am difficult and hard to get along with.  And I won't disagree as they are entitled to their opinions.   We can't be angels to everybody.

Physically people used to say I was either too thin or too fat.  Seldom have I heard that I was just nice!  Even when that was said, it was laced with "but don't lose or gain any more weight".  

Emotionally, I have been called "hard as stone" and also "weak and sensitive".  No one really knows how to be empathetic.

Intellectually, I was considered below par compared to others or too smart for my own good!   I have heard "you could have done better" so many times.  In my mind, I always retorted, "I could have done worse".  Now I no longer bother. 

I'm getting older every day and no longer have the attributes of who I once was.  But there are people who still tell me that they remember my long and luscious hair or my big eyes.  Some say that I am still the sweet, young thing and I haven't changed.  These are the people who understand the current me and more than that, they are the ones who see me with eyes of love.

I have heard women who had no children commenting about the body of someone who had two babies. I have also heard thin people say that fat people have no discipline when it comes to food and the fat people saying that thin people look sickly.  

Sometimes I am guilty too.  Guilty of sizing up people.  Have been guilty of it, too many times, in the past!  

I suppose as we grow older, these things take on a lesser role in our minds. We become less judgmental.  We become.  I'd like to think that I have become or at the very least, I'm on my way to become the velveteen me.

You know who you are!

Over time, I have written about people on my blog.  I think they deserved credit for the part they played in my life.  And even if I hadn't said anything on my blog about someone, I definitely would have told them directly via a personal call or message.

I wouldn't put it on social media and say, "Thanks to all the people who were there. You know who you are".  

It's so common to see people share a personal note of thanks and gratitude with a blanket line to "You know who you are". Well, if you do know them, why not mention them?  How many could there have been?  Even if it's a big number, why be so vague about who they are.

If you're thanking everyone present, I understand but if you're only referring to a handful then the right thing to do is to say who they are!

And strangely, it seems to be considered a nice way to convey a sentiment.  No, it's not!

If I'm thankful or grateful, I'll let you know who you are.  After all, I know who you are.  And a kind and thoughtful person sometimes doesn't even know they were doing something more than expected. That's just who they are and we should appreciate them for that.

But we can be the change and go out of our way to show them that nothing is unnoticed.  

Be proud to be you

Image from Facebook

When I left Facebook some years ago, I also left behind some friends with whom I had reconnected after a long lapse of silence.   I may have lost those ties but if I have an email address, I like to send a birthday wish via email even if I don't expect a reply.

Then, surprisingly, replies to two birthday greetings that I sent out in July and forgotten about appeared in my inbox.

One didn't reply earlier because of work and travelling and the other was just a random chance that an old email account was checked!  Whatever happened, I was just happy to receive news and also to know that they knew I remembered.

One of them wrote, "I'm sure likewise you, too, would have been shaped into a person closer to what you really are by the changing parades of events and people."

This made me think a bit and there's a lot of truth in it.  Today another person mentioned this and said, "our ego loses power as we mellow".  Again, it made it me think a bit more and prompted me to write here. 

  

There's power in not pretending to be like others.

There's power in not pretending to like others also.  

Somehow growing older makes us braver to be who we really are.  We become lazy to put up a false front for people and inevitably, circumstances change our perspectives, adding to the change in how we think.

Not everyone likes the changes or more accurately, the peeling off of the masks we put on to please others.  But there's a satisfaction in being the real me. 

Moving forward

Image from Instagram

Recently I was chatting with a friend and he said that he hated it when people told him to "Move on" or "Move forward" whenever he lamented about anything.  It amused me because even if he didn't want to, he was moving forward.

No matter how we dislike the notion of letting the past go, we unconsciously leave a bit behind each day until, suddenly, it no longer becomes an issue.

I know there are people who do mean things daily and don't think twice of it but my friend is one of those who knew he did mean or terrible things.  He regrets having done that.  He wishes he hadn't done them. However, he has moved on, knowing that he can be different from who he was.

In a way, this is true for all of us.  We shed the skin of who we were and we are a new person each and every day!

No one gets to say that we never change. We all change and no one gets to say that they know us well.  No one can because we do change; whether we like it and whether we know it or not.

Mid-October and Christmas is around the corner :)

Image from WWW

Unbelievably, it's mid-October already.  

I love October for many reasons.  People start talking about Christmas during this month. Even stores and malls begin promoting Christmas things alongside the Halloween stuff.  

Some of my friends already think of putting up their Christmas tree so that they will be able to have everything ready when November comes.  I'm not one of them.

Our home in KL hasn't had any Christmas decoration since I left. The kids are either here with us in Singapore or in Sabah so it makes no sense to put anything up.  When I was still there, it was fun transforming the home into a Christmas wonderland.  I suppose I would be willing to do it all over again when the grandchildren come. *grins*

Over the last four years, I've noticed that Singapore stocks Halloween items so there must be a demand, hence the supply. While I am tempted to buy, I refrain.  I just take photos of the interesting displays.

Anyway, back to a reality check and a reminder to myself about the five points in the image.  

Things I love...

As we get older and wiser, the list of things that we love grows shorter and shorter.  In fact, the things we want are no longer fighting for space with the things that we need. 

There was a time when I made a mental note of whatever I wanted to get and eventually I would go out and get it.  There are many items on that list that I haven't yet bought but they have been relegated to the nether worlds now.  

It made sense not to buy that Jimmy Choo pair of shoes since I'm almost always wearing my Fitflops!  Designer bags? They aren't practical for me now.  Clothes?  Nawwww as I have more than enough.  I could go on...

However, the list of things that I love which money cannot buy has grown tremendously.  It's a good feeling and there's a release from the bondage of shopping.  I have time to love and also enjoy the basic things that make my day better.  

How I have changed in these last three years from always buying more than I needed!!  (Stephen will smile when he reads this!).

Even though I live so near the famous Orchard Road, I hardly ever go there because I already have all the things I love or need.

In fact, I've given away so many things that I used to love and I haven't even thought about them at all.  How wonderful not to be tied to stuff.  

I think that moving away from Kuala Lumpur and having to leave all my favourite things behind has taught me a good lesson.  I didn't really need any of those things.

At the end of it all, just having someone to love is all we really need in life.