Living and feeling alive

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Yes, I've been slacking again but I will no longer apologise for the long lapses in posting here.  As I've said before, I don't write for clicks or likes.  I keep this blog for me, my immediate family, and anyone else who happens to chance upon it.

Even if nobody views it, I'm still going to keep at it.  Why?  Well, why not?

I started here twelve years ago and have enjoyed writing/sharing whenever I needed or wanted to do so.  It has sometimes been my go-to if I needed to give "air" to my feelings.  It is almost like having a friend who just sits and listens without judgement.  Perhaps this is the reason why I won't let it go. 

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Anyway, the first half of 2024 has been very eventful.  I have been busy just watching life go by.  There were, incredibly, ten deaths (family and friends).  It certainly does make taking stock of one's life uppermost in one's mind.  

With all that being said, I've just been slowing down to enjoy each morning, each day, each moment, and each memory made.

Being alive, is indeed, a grand thing.  

Out living or just outliving

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I keep saying I'll write more each time I check on my blog.  When I'm out and about, I think of what I want to put into words when I get home.  Then when I reach home, I do other things, or I just chill with my HP and browse online.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about all the working people.  Are they out there living their lives happily?  Some love going to work.  They prepare their things the night before and get organised for an easy and smooth start to their day.  Good planning, I know!  

Many are out living their best lives because they still get to do what makes them feel useful. But equally, there are some who get up on a working day and just go through the motions.  

However, we start our day, whether happily or grudgingly, we are out living our lives. 

I haven't really worked since early 2012.  More accurately, I wasn't gainfully employed because I did sort of work for the first six years when I arrived in Singapore.  Not work per se but more of a responsibility and there were days when it was tough.  Unbelievably, it is now almost an equal number of six years that I have not had to "work".  I am always thankful that I get to stay home.  

Recently Stephen and I were chatting about outliving some of our family and friends.  Death has a way of making us think about our own mortality.  Both of our fathers died relatively young; mine at 57 and his at 64.  We have outlived both of them.  It is a sobering thought.  

While we were out living our lives, we were, inadvertently, outliving many of our loved ones.  

Each day is precious.  May we be reminded to live well, love much, and laugh often.

Best friend forever

This post is not for diabetics!

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I cannot say it enough. 

I am blessed to have Stephen as my best friend and husband. 

Each morning is a reminder of how he cares for me when I have my coffee, made by him before he leaves for work.  Seeing to the everyday little details that make me happy.  Even buying the snacks that I like so that we can each have our cheat days.

While I am not earning any more money since I have retired, I have not felt short-changed at all. I had thought that I would have to change my spending lifestyle drastically when I stopped working but everything that I have needed or wanted is handled by Stephen. 

Even for the things that he doesn't understand like my multicooker or air fryer. His motto is "as long as you're happy".  

I am happy.  And I'll say it again, greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved.

Gentle rebellion

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I've been called a rebel many times in my life.  This is why I find this such a heart-warming image and phrase. 

I've become accustomed to putting other people first.  I put it down to being a secretary and always wanting to pre-empt the needs or wants of others in the office.  I can't use that excuse anymore as I retired in 2012 and those habits should no longer be dominant.  

Anyway, this is just a great reminder to me, myself and I!

Busy living life

Image from thetarotjournalpakistan

I always surprise myself by neglecting this blog because I have all the time in the world to do anything and everything I want.  Writing here has always been a nice hobby.  It's a way to organise my thoughts and keep them here for posterity.  Also, I may forget and so, saving them here allows me to revisit these moments.

I was in KL in the early part of January and then again for most of May.  Travelling now is via Seletar/Subang/Seletar instead of Changi/KLIA/Changi.  This tremendously cuts down the time from home to airport and vice versa. 

Although my blog title is "Busy living life", I haven't really been busy.  Most of the days just flow into the next.  I'd have to say it is a simple life.  I wake up when I'm fully rested. Usually, Stephen has already gone off to work.  He makes my coffee and puts it next to my chair.  It makes me smile every morning when I see this!  As they say, it's not what people profess with their mouths, it's their acts of love that prove what they feel.

Now that I've settled back into my usual SG routine, hopefully, I will spend more time writing on my new laptop.  New because sometimes, it is easier to just get another one instead of replacing the charger for the old one.  But, as luck would have it, the new charger works on the old one and so now we have two laptops. Stephen was actually thinking of buying two and discarding the old one!  Thankfully, he had the idea that maybe, just maybe the new charger would work on the old one!  Lo, and behold, it does.  Yay!!!!

I'm consciously cutting down on my time online.  Actually, I'm even toying with the idea of going cold turkey but what would that achieve?  I enjoy the camaraderie and the mini chats with some of the people.  I also like to think that I bring joy to people who have little or no contact with family or friends.  There are many lonely people out there.

Busy isn't a bad thing if we are also living our truth.  Doing what we enjoy and using moments to make a difference in our own as well as other people's lives is great.  

The Unicorn

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When I was a little girl, the stories and images of unicorns always amazed me.  I wanted so much to see one, if only in my dreams.  Somehow the idea that unicorns existed, albeit only in my story books, made me believe in miracles.

Recently there was a TV series called "The Unicorn" and naturally I was curious about it.  Of course, I wasn't disappointed, it was about a widower and he was something of a unicorn because of who and how he is portrayed in the show.  I enjoyed watching the TV series.

It also made me think of my own unicorn: something (or someone) that is highly desirable but difficult to find or obtain.

Stephen is my unicorn.  Not much explanation needed.  He is the one who amazes me, makes me believe in miracles and so much more.

Often we hesitate to share how we feel for people until it is too late.  So I put this here now.  He will see it and he will feel loved and cherished.

TWENTY TWENTY-ONE

 

Those who know me well, know I love a game of scrabble.  And so when I saw this, I was reminded of many games played with loved ones.  It seemed a fitting image for times gone by and for all the lovely memories.

Anyway, we're in the last night of 2020 and this is scheduled for publishing at 11.59 pm. 

So Happy New Year and goodbye to a strange twelve months for so many of us.

We couldn't travel much but with technology we stayed in touch with our loved ones.

2020 has been somewhat special for us because we felt God's love and blessings in a truly personal way.  

2021 is representative of SFGEMS because Stephen was born on the 20th and I was on the 21st.  I like that the new year will combine our birthday numbers.  Plus looking at it backwards, it reminds me of Jared and Doug.  

Every day of the next 365 days will be treasured with more love and laughter.

And just like that....

Where did all the time go?

It was January when I last wrote in this blog and almost half a year has gone by.  I haven't been busy nor did anything keep me away from writing.  I was just putting it off for no apparent reason. Sometimes that's how it should be.  We should move according to the beat of our own rhythm. 

When we returned to Singapore in the first week of January, we hadn't expected to see the Covid-19 mania overtake the world and the lives of so many people.  Since its inception, nearly everyone has been in some kind of quarantine or was in lockdown mode. In Singapore, we called it the Circuit Breaker.

Initially it was just something we thought would come and go but as it stands now, we were all wrong.  Nobody could have known how it would dominate headlines worldwide and been such a topic on everyone's mind.

Anyway, I decided to sit and write a bit today after such a long absence because my online calendar reminded me that SFGEMS is 8 years old. 

And just like that, it also means that I have been here in Singapore for a little over that same time span.

Life, now, is basically easy-going.  I'm just enjoying the quiet time at home.  Of course, my day is punctuated by whatsapp messages and video calls but overall, I am on my own which I thoroughly enjoy.

Thankfully, the other person in my life and space (my better half), makes all this possible.  I am mightily blessed.

Of two old souls

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Approximately 21,919 days ago, Stephen Felix Grosse was born on 20 November 1959.  

It would have been a miracle for us to have met earlier because we grew up in different countries.  Moreover, our paths never crossed, when we were children, even though our families were seemingly linked via the wife of my uncle.

That's real life, I guess.  Perhaps an earlier connection wouldn't have made a difference or impact.  We only met at a time when we were ready to fit in each other's lives.

We are so different yet the same.  Often I think unlike poles attract and yet we are also alike.  

We had a quiet celebration for his birthday.  I did ask if he would have liked a big bash since it was his 60th but he wasn't interested. In this, we are alike.  There was no fanfare or party!!!  Looks like we don't need a specific day to be happy.  On the days that he doesn't work is when we have a date or eat at home and really it is celebration enough.  Not just one day here and there but every time that we spend together is special.  Yeah, it sounds clichéd but isn't this how it should be!

I had always thought that we would celebrate our 60th year because it is a milestone but somehow it has paled in comparison to becoming grandparents.  Having a grand-daughter changed our focus completely!  Our conversations are always about Cayla Gail and how important she is to this new chapter of our 60th year!  

In fact, she is quite like a 60th year birthday present that keeps growing and growing.  We feel so awesomely blessed.

So 2019, thank you for a superb 60th year from two old souls. 

Full of thankfulness!

Image from WWW

This is the longest that I haven't posted on my blog.  Not that nothing has happened but maybe because so many things were happening!  

Two months of ups and downs!  I guess it is part of being alive.  We can't always have plateaus or flatlines: otherwise it would be boring or we would be dead.

I am always mindful that I should focus on the blessings in my life.

I have a lot to be grateful for in this life.  

Recently I turned 60 and Stephen did ask me what I wanted.  It's hard to know because I don't have a bucket list of things that I want.  I have all that I need.  I'm easily satisfied like that.

But thinking about this a bit more, I realise that what I have is a continuous gift from Stephen.  He gives me a life that I thoroughly enjoy.  It's a gift that I don't take for granted. 

I give thanks today.

Of Love and Coffee

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Life isn't perfect!  

It isn't always fun and uncomplicated but it can still be great!

Sometimes we have to take great over perfect and know that this makes for a good life.

Most mornings, I am asleep while my husband makes the coffee.

Most mornings, I wake up to the smell of coffee even before I open my eyes.

Most mornings, I hear my husband tiptoeing around happily getting ready to go to work.

Most mornings, I laze in bed; long after he's planted a kiss on my forehead before leaving.

It's not a perfect life that I have but it sure is a great life when there is love and coffee.

Moving along and moving on

Image from Pinterest

I don't know when I started to feel this way.  I guess with age, does come some wisdom.  A few years ago, I'd be mad and be so annoyed with people and situations but now I can just shrug my shoulders and actually accept it.

Naturally, I may react and brood a bit but these days, I get over it so quickly that life is so much easier now.  

I'm happier and contented with the choices I make.

I realise that the power, to be me, is mine.  I will be who I am, no matter how others are.

Day 1 of 2018

It's exciting to start a new year.  I can't wait to see what will unfold in the coming months.  So much to look forward to and so much to be grateful about.  Life is great and God is good.

What resolutions do I have?

I'm realistic!  Be blessed, folks!

All images:  Credit to Pinterest

Day 31 New Year's Eve

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As we go through the last 24 hours of this year, most people are wondering if they will have a better year or it will be a repeat of same ol' same ol'.

If there is one thing that I've rediscovered in 2017, it's that I am the captain of my ship and I direct the sails.  For much of my life, I've steered as I saw fit but along the way, I sort of lost the realisation that I could change the course.  

I still worried that I needed to do what people expected of me and, in so doing, I allowed my personal space and happiness to be pushed aside. Now I've taken back the rudder and I feel empowered to face 2018. 

So the new year is mine, what will I do with it?  *Rubs hands in glee*

I will do with it, whatever brings goodness to my life.  I will spend more time meditating on God's Word.  I will give permission to me to eat what I enjoy.  I will immerse myself in a healthier life.  I will do so many new and better things with my 2018. 

    

Rules are made to be broken.

These days I keep reminding myself that I should do what I feel like doing.  Mostly I spend my days reading, watching TV, replying mails, browsing online, and chatting with good people on whatsapp.  

Since over a month ago, I've started exercising which is breaking a rule of my own since I don't much like physical activity.  But it's been good since Stephen bought me a Fitbit and I can track my progress.  And I have done pretty well since then!  Slowly but surely I am building up my stamina.

I used to follow a regimen of doing my duty but what exactly is that!  My sense of duty stems from a whole life of hearing that we must do what we are supposed to do.  I never realised how strongly this became my inner voice until I retired.  And even then, the influence of this indoctrination ran deep because to rid myself of it, I had to make a conscious effort to decide otherwise.  

Often, I would put others first and later feel like I had short-changed myself.  And even if people say, "you'll feel good", it wears off pretty quickly.  I know.  I've been there.

Now I have learnt to relax more and just do what suits my mood best.  

When Stephen is not at work, we do what we like because there are no rules and regulations.  We like to keep it that way.  We live according to each other's needs and wants and the rest can take a number and wait! Sounds cold but in the end, we are the ones who will matter and not anybody else.  

I learn as I grow older. And I'm still learning. 

Small details

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There are thousands of small details in my life that just fills my heart up.  Just simple things that Stephen does to make me happy.  Things like

- putting off my alarm so I can sleep on

- sitting in the park watching me exercise

- making my morning coffee because, well, he brews!

- praying over me when I'm not feeling good

- buying durians when he can't stand the smell

- giving me space when I'm watching my favourite Singaporean TV show

- checking my wallet and filling it with money

- following me to get stuff and carrying all the bags

- putting a fresh towel out for me when I'm in the shower

- queueing for my food and drinks at the kopitiams

- matching up two different slippers of mine and waiting for me to notice.

- saying he'll meet me at the curry leaves station. Private joke there.

I'll keep adding to this list because I realise that sometimes I take for granted that it's the small details in our lives that make a big difference.

When I'm older and greyer, I hope I'll come back here and see this list again.