Echoes of insight

 

Image taken from X

I realized I was getting older… but it wasn't because of the wrinkles on my face.

It wasn't the mirror that told me, nor the young man who gave up his seat for me on the bus.

It wasn't the trendy clothes I no longer understand, or the songs that sound like noise to me.

It was something more subtle. Deeper.

I noticed it when I stopped trying to convince others.

When I stopped chasing after those who walked away.

When I no longer needed to have the last word.

When I learned to let go without drama.

Aging arrived unannounced.

Without sadness, without fear.

It simply… settled in calmly.

And it brought peace with it.

I no longer expect apologies from those who don't know how to give them.

The silence of others no longer bothers me.

I understood that everyone is battling their own inner turmoil.

And whoever truly wants to speak… does so.

Today I don't seek approval.

I don't want to fit in.

I want to be at peace.

My body is no longer a source of shame.

It is my home. My story. My memory.

It has witnessed loves, losses, births, and falls.

How could I not honor it?

Now I live differently.

Without rushing. Without "shoulds."

Without guilt for choosing my well-being.

I drink my coffee hot.

I answer messages without pressure.

I walk without haste.

I listen to myself. I embrace myself. I belong to myself.

And for the first time… that's enough. 💕


Much thanks to my soul sister, Shashi Netto, for sharing this.

Out living or just outliving

Image from Pinterest

 

I keep saying I'll write more each time I check on my blog.  When I'm out and about, I think of what I want to put into words when I get home.  Then when I reach home, I do other things, or I just chill with my HP and browse online.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about all the working people.  Are they out there living their lives happily?  Some love going to work.  They prepare their things the night before and get organised for an easy and smooth start to their day.  Good planning, I know!  

Many are out living their best lives because they still get to do what makes them feel useful. But equally, there are some who get up on a working day and just go through the motions.  

However, we start our day, whether happily or grudgingly, we are out living our lives. 

I haven't really worked since early 2012.  More accurately, I wasn't gainfully employed because I did sort of work for the first six years when I arrived in Singapore.  Not work per se but more of a responsibility and there were days when it was tough.  Unbelievably, it is now almost an equal number of six years that I have not had to "work".  I am always thankful that I get to stay home.  

Recently Stephen and I were chatting about outliving some of our family and friends.  Death has a way of making us think about our own mortality.  Both of our fathers died relatively young; mine at 57 and his at 64.  We have outlived both of them.  It is a sobering thought.  

While we were out living our lives, we were, inadvertently, outliving many of our loved ones.  

Each day is precious.  May we be reminded to live well, love much, and laugh often.

Busy living life

Image from thetarotjournalpakistan

I always surprise myself by neglecting this blog because I have all the time in the world to do anything and everything I want.  Writing here has always been a nice hobby.  It's a way to organise my thoughts and keep them here for posterity.  Also, I may forget and so, saving them here allows me to revisit these moments.

I was in KL in the early part of January and then again for most of May.  Travelling now is via Seletar/Subang/Seletar instead of Changi/KLIA/Changi.  This tremendously cuts down the time from home to airport and vice versa. 

Although my blog title is "Busy living life", I haven't really been busy.  Most of the days just flow into the next.  I'd have to say it is a simple life.  I wake up when I'm fully rested. Usually, Stephen has already gone off to work.  He makes my coffee and puts it next to my chair.  It makes me smile every morning when I see this!  As they say, it's not what people profess with their mouths, it's their acts of love that prove what they feel.

Now that I've settled back into my usual SG routine, hopefully, I will spend more time writing on my new laptop.  New because sometimes, it is easier to just get another one instead of replacing the charger for the old one.  But, as luck would have it, the new charger works on the old one and so now we have two laptops. Stephen was actually thinking of buying two and discarding the old one!  Thankfully, he had the idea that maybe, just maybe the new charger would work on the old one!  Lo, and behold, it does.  Yay!!!!

I'm consciously cutting down on my time online.  Actually, I'm even toying with the idea of going cold turkey but what would that achieve?  I enjoy the camaraderie and the mini chats with some of the people.  I also like to think that I bring joy to people who have little or no contact with family or friends.  There are many lonely people out there.

Busy isn't a bad thing if we are also living our truth.  Doing what we enjoy and using moments to make a difference in our own as well as other people's lives is great.  

22642 days

It's my birthday today!

How many days since 21 March, 1959?

It has been 22642 days since 21 March, 1959

That's approximately 743.86 months or 62 years.

A reminder for me!

Done by one

 

Recently I saw something that suggested we should get all our chores done by one pm.  It seemed a nice idea.  

I wondered if it would work for me.  So I did aim for it the other day.  Kept telling myself that after one pm, I can be guilt-free while I lounge around doing whatever I wanted.

Then Stephen made me change my mind.  He suddenly said, "just do one thing, only one thing."  He added, "wash clothes or whatever and then rest!".  

I won't always abide by this 100%.  I mean I may be done by one and then do nothing.  Or I may just do one thing and then rest.  I suppose that's the beauty of having the luxury of time and being at home.

Lesson one is just getting something done!

Image from WWW

TWENTY TWENTY-ONE

 

Those who know me well, know I love a game of scrabble.  And so when I saw this, I was reminded of many games played with loved ones.  It seemed a fitting image for times gone by and for all the lovely memories.

Anyway, we're in the last night of 2020 and this is scheduled for publishing at 11.59 pm. 

So Happy New Year and goodbye to a strange twelve months for so many of us.

We couldn't travel much but with technology we stayed in touch with our loved ones.

2020 has been somewhat special for us because we felt God's love and blessings in a truly personal way.  

2021 is representative of SFGEMS because Stephen was born on the 20th and I was on the 21st.  I like that the new year will combine our birthday numbers.  Plus looking at it backwards, it reminds me of Jared and Doug.  

Every day of the next 365 days will be treasured with more love and laughter.

Onwards to 2025

 

Last week I got my Long Term Visit Pass Plus (LTVP +) renewal done!  This will allow me to remain in Singapore until 6 August 2025.  When we left ICA, Stephen told me that I would be 66 years old the next time I needed to apply again!  Then he sent that image to our children in Malaysia and it made me smile.  And as Jamus Lim would say, "it warms the cockles of my heart". 

I now realise that I've been here for eight and a half years already. Somehow those years went by so fast though it didn't feel that way at all.  

Anyway, despite all the Covid-19 restrictions, I managed to renew my Malaysian passport online, collect it at the Malaysian High Commission here, and also sorted out the LTVP+.  

Thank goodness, we are both computer savvy and can do everything on our own.  

Majulah Malaysia and Singapura!

Full of thankfulness!

Image from WWW

This is the longest that I haven't posted on my blog.  Not that nothing has happened but maybe because so many things were happening!  

Two months of ups and downs!  I guess it is part of being alive.  We can't always have plateaus or flatlines: otherwise it would be boring or we would be dead.

I am always mindful that I should focus on the blessings in my life.

I have a lot to be grateful for in this life.  

Recently I turned 60 and Stephen did ask me what I wanted.  It's hard to know because I don't have a bucket list of things that I want.  I have all that I need.  I'm easily satisfied like that.

But thinking about this a bit more, I realise that what I have is a continuous gift from Stephen.  He gives me a life that I thoroughly enjoy.  It's a gift that I don't take for granted. 

I give thanks today.

Rules are made to be broken.

These days I keep reminding myself that I should do what I feel like doing.  Mostly I spend my days reading, watching TV, replying mails, browsing online, and chatting with good people on whatsapp.  

Since over a month ago, I've started exercising which is breaking a rule of my own since I don't much like physical activity.  But it's been good since Stephen bought me a Fitbit and I can track my progress.  And I have done pretty well since then!  Slowly but surely I am building up my stamina.

I used to follow a regimen of doing my duty but what exactly is that!  My sense of duty stems from a whole life of hearing that we must do what we are supposed to do.  I never realised how strongly this became my inner voice until I retired.  And even then, the influence of this indoctrination ran deep because to rid myself of it, I had to make a conscious effort to decide otherwise.  

Often, I would put others first and later feel like I had short-changed myself.  And even if people say, "you'll feel good", it wears off pretty quickly.  I know.  I've been there.

Now I have learnt to relax more and just do what suits my mood best.  

When Stephen is not at work, we do what we like because there are no rules and regulations.  We like to keep it that way.  We live according to each other's needs and wants and the rest can take a number and wait! Sounds cold but in the end, we are the ones who will matter and not anybody else.  

I learn as I grow older. And I'm still learning. 

400

Just like Spartan, the movie, with only "300" as the title, I thought just putting 400 is catchy and dramatic.

It's my 400th post and after all this while, I still find joy in writing because it's how I organise my thoughts and also my memories.  Without this blog, I'd have forgotten all the little stuff that can get lost in the bigger events of life.

Once in a while, I go and check STEEST for something and then I get lost, going through some old stuff I'd written and the same goes for SFGEMS.  Sometimes I don't even remember ever writing what I've posted.  That, for me, is always a nice surprise.  

First, because I think my mind conveniently decided to remove all traces of that blog content knowing that it's been saved.  Clever, if I’m right!  But it could either be that I am automatically deleting some of those memories or it is just part and parcel of forgetting due to old age.  It is a good thing then that I had put down those moments into words.

Second, because I can retrace my state of being, at that given point in time, via what I have written.  

And today with my 400th posting, I'm celebrating because I've stuck to keeping this blog alive, even when I've been lazy or busy.  

Whether or not I have an audience of one or a thousand, it is still a great thing to me. 

FitFlops, Fitbit and Fitter

Image from Pinterest

On 6 July, I finally convinced myself that I needed to take better care of my health.  I've always had the notion that I am not as fit as I should be but that's only because I keep comparing myself to Stephen. He's super fit and has tons of stamina.  According to what I know, he has the heart rate of an athlete and I've always felt intimidated by the thought that I'd never reach his standard.

Then I decided that I would just improve my own standard. *ting* Light bulb moment there. I've been pleasantly surprised to find that my resting heart rate is actually very good and according to the cardio fitness for women my age, I'm in the VERY GOOD - EXCELLENT range after about a week.  

I know I won't see immediate physical results but now that I'm tracking my calorie intake and what I burn, I can be more mindful of what junk I eat and if it is worth the effort indulging in sinful snacks, after the exercise.  

So far I find that my diet is okay but previously I hadn't burnt enough calories daily and so over the last few years, I have put on weight.  A kind friend has said that I have no stress now so that accounts for my weight gain.  It's true.  Work was enjoyable but sometimes it was very stressful and I wouldn't want to go back to that again.  Another said that my metabolic rate is slower and again that's true.

Losing weight is not for the indisciplined.  All my life, I've said that I don't have the discipline to diet and I'm right.  I don't eat much but I enjoy what I eat.  So giving up what little food that I like, makes no sense to me.

But now I realise that I do have the discipline to exercise so that can be the balancing factor between being in the healthy or unhealthy weight range. So far I've been doing well and I can see that if I put in a bit more effort then the calories burnt can far outweight the calories I eat.  This puts a different perspective on how I used to see my weight gain.  It also pushes me to do just that little bit more each day.

Will I look different by Christmas?  Let's see if Stephen's investment in the FitFlops, Fitbit and Fitterme works!  

Image from Pinterest

Prayers

Image picked up from Twitter

There is a saying "Lies take care of the present but never the future."

Likewise, I can also say, "Prayers take care of the present and also the future."  

Sometimes, I have to pinch myself to remember that this is the life I had prayed for when I was younger.  

It wasn't a grand life that I thought about.  I never prayed to travel the world or to have millions in the bank.  But I do remember only wanting a roof over my head, food on the table and surrounded by people who love me.

So, yes, I have to be thankful for a lot and that I should count my blessings.