These days I keep reminding myself that I should do what I feel like doing. Mostly I spend my days reading, watching TV, replying mails, browsing online, and chatting with good people on whatsapp.
Since over a month ago, I've started exercising which is breaking a rule of my own since I don't much like physical activity. But it's been good since Stephen bought me a Fitbit and I can track my progress. And I have done pretty well since then! Slowly but surely I am building up my stamina.
I used to follow a regimen of doing my duty but what exactly is that! My sense of duty stems from a whole life of hearing that we must do what we are supposed to do. I never realised how strongly this became my inner voice until I retired. And even then, the influence of this indoctrination ran deep because to rid myself of it, I had to make a conscious effort to decide otherwise.
Often, I would put others first and later feel like I had short-changed myself. And even if people say, "you'll feel good", it wears off pretty quickly. I know. I've been there.
Now I have learnt to relax more and just do what suits my mood best.
When Stephen is not at work, we do what we like because there are no rules and regulations. We like to keep it that way. We live according to each other's needs and wants and the rest can take a number and wait! Sounds cold but in the end, we are the ones who will matter and not anybody else.
I learn as I grow older. And I'm still learning.
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