31 December

We've reached the last day of the year.  It has been filled with many memories and moments.  Let's remember to keep going on.

Images from Pinterest

30 December

 And the festivities are not over yet!😟

29 December

A good reminder for me and for you!

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28 December

I really liked this message very much.  I hope you will find tenderness, courage, and hope.

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27 December

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In 2018, we spent Christmas in Manila, Philippines.

In 2019, we spent Christmas in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah (Malaysia)

In 2020, we spent Christmas in Singapore (because of the pandemic)

In 2021, we spent Christmas in Singapore again (because of the pandemic)

Technically we have missed spending the last two Christmases with Jared, Gwen, and Cayla either in Malaysia or Singapore.  We've not always spent our Christmas together but this is only noteworthy now because it means that we have not physically celebrated Christmas with our grand-daughter.  However, we do stop to count the blessing that we can still celebrate albeit apart.  There are many who don't have someone to be with, not even virtually.  

For this, we are grateful for the video calls and being able to connect via various means.  It's not the same, for sure, but it's not a bad alternative, either. 

26 December

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The Christmas karma is that the good you do for others is the good you do yourself.  The cycle of positivity in an unending spiral.  

25 December - BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO ALL

 

~To everyone who arrives at this blog space~
May you receive the wishes of your heart, find peace in your life, discover new friendships, and cherish the company of family in this season of loving and sharing.

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24 December and ANNIVERSARY THOUGHTS

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After all is said and done, I think that we have done pretty well.  Life hasn't always been kind to us but we're survivors and we've found the right balance for a good way of living.

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I can't think of anybody better to have spent this pandemic with!  My life has been easy despite all the difficulties many people face. We've found comfort in each other but more importantly, we've found contentment.  We are so blessed.  I love you loads, BabyGrosse!

23 December

How nice it is to know this!  Give a toy or your time or a donation or even a kind gesture to someone to celebrate the spirit of Christmas.  

Stephen and I make efforts to do something special each year for someone or some organisation.  We continue to enjoy discussing and then making a choice.  We always say, "it's Christmas" when we make a decision about it.  

It's our way of dropping a grain of sand to the thousands, if not millions, of charitable acts over this season. 

22 December

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We're really enjoying the magic of Christmas through the eyes of our grand-daughter, Cayla, as she is in awe of everything about it.  Credit to her parents for making efforts to give her the experience of awe and wonder.  Not just for Christmas day but to build up her excitement and to let her feel the happiness since the Christmas tree was put up.

21 December

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We don't have snow but it has been rather cold here in Singapore.  It has been raining sporadically and we do not need the air-con because the temperature indoors is just nice.  But and usually there's a but, our joints don't always agree.  We just have to remember to shake our limbs after sitting for a bit.  When it gets chilly at nights, I do put on stockings.  Nothing really to complain about as it's part and parcel of growing older.

20 December

Tick tock tick tock!

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19 December

Just thinking of my grandfather Horacio Tomas

who loved me so unconditionally

 

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18 December

Cayla is 2 years and 9 months today.

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17 December

What a cool idea for minimalists!

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16 December

Still time to rush around for gifts!

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15 December

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Especially so when we're chatting online and little Cayla asks for the lights to be switched on.  Nothing like a little child in awe of all things beautiful.

14 December

Good lessons!

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13 December

 

Lest we forget!

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12 December

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Happy birthday to our beautiful Gwendolyn Gail Cheow.

 How awesome is it to have a birthday in December!

 

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11 December

I've been good most of the time.  Hee hee.

 

10 December

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Looks simple and I can do it but I lost interest in cross-stitching since a long time ago.  Who knows I may take it up again!  At least while my eyesight is still good, I should add.

9 December

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My home is wherever Stephen is and my home is also wherever my children and grand-daughter are!  At Christmas, my heart is full of love and joy for my family who are happy, healthy and whole, especially during this pandemic.

8 December

How pretty is this!

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7 December

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6 December

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5 December

Just for a laugh.  

 

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The truth is that the remote control and I are buddies.  I usually listen to the news and then I'm on Netflix.  And I'm rather good at putting the remote back to its place when I'm done.  Good habits and all that....

4 December

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This year, I used mostly brown paper and drew on it.  Used red ribbon and it looked pretty festive!  Finally putting my Ikea magic colour pens to use!  But, oh how pretty are some of the wrapping papers!

3 December

We realize and count our blessings.

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2 December

I have used these Christmas curtains since 2012.  They are still in excellent condition and every year that I have taken them out, I am amazed at how well they have kept.  The colours are still sharp and the fabric hasn't worn out.  I like it when the sun shines on it and how it gives the living area a nice hue.

1 December

I had wanted to start the December posts yesterday but something came up.  Oh well, thank goodness that technology allows us to backdate!

Anyway, I hope that I won't miss a day from now till the end of the month.  Let's celebrate life and living this December!

From Pinterest

The Unicorn

Image from Pinterest

When I was a little girl, the stories and images of unicorns always amazed me.  I wanted so much to see one, if only in my dreams.  Somehow the idea that unicorns existed, albeit only in my story books, made me believe in miracles.

Recently there was a TV series called "The Unicorn" and naturally I was curious about it.  Of course, I wasn't disappointed, it was about a widower and he was something of a unicorn because of who and how he is portrayed in the show.  I enjoyed watching the TV series.

It also made me think of my own unicorn: something (or someone) that is highly desirable but difficult to find or obtain.

Stephen is my unicorn.  Not much explanation needed.  He is the one who amazes me, makes me believe in miracles and so much more.

Often we hesitate to share how we feel for people until it is too late.  So I put this here now.  He will see it and he will feel loved and cherished.

Happy birthday, Hubby!

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I love him for all the big and little things he does to make our life so great.  He finds immense joy in all he does for our family.  It never fails to make me smile.

He dotes on all of us and is always saving for our future.  He never thinks of himself unless it is pointed out that he needs a new shirt.  It is forbidden to throw his old ones away!  

He loves saying "buy" if his grand-daughter wants something.  That girl is the new love of his life but I don't say this grudgingly, he has enough love to go around. And it warms my heart to see him excited about being a grandfather.

As I write this, I think of the times that he would stand in queue for me.  It doesn't matter if it's when we're out eating or shopping, he'd do what makes it convenient for me.  I also remember how he will suddenly bring home something for tea that I hadn't had in a while.  He praises all the food I make, even if there isn't any recipe and it's all last-minute put together kind of meal.  Heck, he is also happy when I reheat food because he's just that kind of guy.  He helps with all the chores when he isn't at work.  There are so many things that makes him lovable.  

In short, I just want to leave this here for when memories have faded so I can look back and recall how very precious he is to me and to the family.  He's a champion in our hearts and minds.

But what would my greeting be, without some humour.  So ...

You are highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed, Baby Grosse!

Leftover love

 

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I believe this to be true and that the reverse is equally valid.  What I mean is that the ones that we love never really leave us.

It's a kind of leftover love.  Leftover as in "remaining" or "surplus".  

And this makes me smile because this only happens when there was so much to begin with.

Remembering Douglas Lawrence Cheow

(2 November 1957 - 26 March 1991) 

with all the leftover love.

The Velveteen me

Image from Instagram (I think)

Too many people enjoy making comments without thinking about the consequences of their words.  Saying things without realising how hypocritical it can be is off-putting.  

To many people, I am difficult and hard to get along with.  And I won't disagree as they are entitled to their opinions.   We can't be angels to everybody.

Physically people used to say I was either too thin or too fat.  Seldom have I heard that I was just nice!  Even when that was said, it was laced with "but don't lose or gain any more weight".  

Emotionally, I have been called "hard as stone" and also "weak and sensitive".  No one really knows how to be empathetic.

Intellectually, I was considered below par compared to others or too smart for my own good!   I have heard "you could have done better" so many times.  In my mind, I always retorted, "I could have done worse".  Now I no longer bother. 

I'm getting older every day and no longer have the attributes of who I once was.  But there are people who still tell me that they remember my long and luscious hair or my big eyes.  Some say that I am still the sweet, young thing and I haven't changed.  These are the people who understand the current me and more than that, they are the ones who see me with eyes of love.

I have heard women who had no children commenting about the body of someone who had two babies. I have also heard thin people say that fat people have no discipline when it comes to food and the fat people saying that thin people look sickly.  

Sometimes I am guilty too.  Guilty of sizing up people.  Have been guilty of it, too many times, in the past!  

I suppose as we grow older, these things take on a lesser role in our minds. We become less judgmental.  We become.  I'd like to think that I have become or at the very least, I'm on my way to become the velveteen me.

Uncomplicated Life

Image from WWW

I just realised that the previous three posts were about the death of loved ones.  I hadn't noticed at first as it was something unconsciously done.  Only wrote so I wouldn't forget.

And I made a decision to stop because this blog isn't just for remembering people who have gone but it is also to enjoy the ones who are still with us.

I know I've said that I write for the future me.  When memories start to fade, I can dive into my blog and re-read some of the events that have made an impact on me.  Hence, I must not get into the habit of only writing when someone dies.  I must start writing about the good things that are around.  The fun people that are in my life.  There is much to be grateful for despite and in spite of Covid-19 still raging in our midst.

I've been doing practically nothing since the April 2020 circuit breaker in Singapore and since there is no travelling, I've been indoors almost all of that time.  Most people would have gone mad but not me as I have become slightly introverted.  Or maybe it is the opposite effect kicking in after having had to go out nearly every day for almost all of my life.  Either it was because of work, duty or even a holiday, I was, shall I use the word, forced to go out.  Now there are days when I don't even step outside the door.  While people consider it a punishment, I didn't, at all, find it unpleasant.  

There is so much to do at home.  There's housework which is never-ending.  We decide when to stop, that's the truth.  There's Netflix and that too is a slippery slope once you get immersed in a series.  And books, but I've not been reading much.  I don't really know the reason why.  I tell myself it's the print that I find too small for comfort.  I tried online books but that too, didn't have the same effect that reading always had for me.  Then there's news which I skim through nowadays because it can be bleak and depressing.  I just keep abreast of what's happening in the world.  It's not like I have to sit for any test so I just glance at headlines and only go deeper if I want more details.  

Apart from doing, there's also the not-doing things like napping.  I find that since I am up at 6 am on most days, I nap more often nowadays.  When I used to sleep in, I didn't really nap much.  But again, who's checking and I nap as I please.  There's joy in being able to do it at any time.  Those dozing off in my chair times are the best.  It is a luxury as I can still remember fighting off sleepiness and tiredness when I was working!!!  

Yes, to some, my lifestyle is a kind of nonsense as I just let one day slide into the next.  But isn't that the goal of many!  To eat, drink and be merry is what people say we need to do!

Really it is simple now for me.  Don't complicate life.  

If I get through one day, it's enough.  

At my age, there are no more dreams to chase or goals to achieve.  

I just want to be healthy, happy and whole.

Mauricio Soliano

I had not intended to write in my blog about my Uncle Maurice.  Recently, GG asked me if I would and I didn't have a real answer and then I forgot all about it.

Today is his birthday and I remember all the times he called me so early in the morning to wish me for my birthday.  It was his trademark.  I wasn't the only one he would call as soon as he finished his morning prayers.  So many of us know this about him.  And if we didn't pick up, he'd call again.  Maybe I should start this tradition with my own nieces and nephews!

There are so many things that makes him very special to me.  

The best one would be that when I was in Singapore in 1992 for Eric's heart operation, he did something so selfless that inspired me tremendously.  

I had spent a night in my cousin's place and, in the morning, he asked me how I would go to the Gleneagles hospital.  I told him I'd take a cab.  He told me that there was a direct bus which will stop just outside the hospital and I just nodded my head.  I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be thinking of too many things.  But when I was ready to leave, he was also all dressed up and he said he'd show me the bus station and which bus to take.  I declined as I had decided to take a cab but he was insistent.  Then when the bus arrived, he boarded the bus with me and sat by my side.  When we reached the hospital, we got down and although we didn't say much during the ride, I felt comforted by his presence.  I thought he was going to follow me into the hospital but he only wanted to accompany me on the bus.  Then he crossed the road and took another bus back to Tanglin Halt.  

At that time, I didn't really think much of it all but much later when everything began to settle in my life, I looked back and marvelled at his gesture of love and compassion, not in words but in action.  

Unknowingly, he had inspired me to do just that bit more for other people.  I haven't always been able to do it but I have always given it my best when I could.

He nagged.  Oh yes, he was famous for it!  He always had the same story of Brand's essence of chicken for me and how I should take it.  Always he would threaten that he would force me to drink it and I would laugh about it.  In return, I'd nag him about his smoking and he would laugh back. 

I think he had an anecdote with every nephew or niece.  So, we will all carry with us a small history with him.  In this way, he lives on in our minds and hearts.

He always told me that I looked like my mother.  It always made me smile.  

He used to send smses.  He used to call a lot.  Especially when covid-19 hit Singapore, he called me several times to ask me to visit and I told him I was not yet ready because I didn't want to go out unnecessarily.  He never got angry when I didn't go.  To me, this is love.  When you keep saying "no" and the person just accepts and understands.

Often, I forget that he is gone because I hadn't seen him in so long but today, I remember that he has died.  It makes me sad but I know he is now free from any earthly suffering and pain.  

I write this so I will remember if I happen to forget all this in the future.  I write this because someone might smile because they, too, have had special moments with Uncle Maurice.

In my mind, this is how he always looks. I can still hear his voice.  May he rest in peace.

And Mary was her name

 Mary (Ah Moi) Soliano

5/7/1948 to 5/5/2021

And Mary was her name, and not so very ordinary girl or dame!  I sort of plagiarised those words from a song.  

But really, my Aunty Ah Moi was no ordinary woman.  In fact, I have to say she was extraordinary in so many ways.  Her kindness and generosity were attributes that she showed willingly and easily.

I have very fond memories of her when we were growing up.  She was always the strict but loving aunt who seemed to just love us unconditionally.

She was dedicated to my Uncle Max and their daughter, Isabel.  Her entire life revolved around them and in turn, they looked after her in her final months.  Good karma, so to speak.  

There are so many stories about her that I remember and sometimes shared.  We have wondered about her tenacity to pick herself up from scratch.  We have laughed at her funny interaction with Uncle Max.  Oh, they have loved each other for as long as I can remember.  Theirs isn’t a love of roses and romantic songs.  It is one of a deep and abiding concern for each other that isn’t bound by paper, certificate or anything legal that sometimes keeps people together.  Theirs is a raw kind of love relationship that is so rare.

When I mention, to others, about the teenage years with her, I sometimes choke on my words.  The emotions are hard to hold in check.  I know it stems from how I feel about her.  She had done too many big and small things for me and I will never be able to repay her in anyway.  Not that she would expect it because that’s not how she is. This is what the true value of goodness is all about.

I will make an effort to be more like my Aunty Ah Moi.  She was a precious gem and it was an honour to know her.

May she rest in peace forever more!

Remembering Tony Soliano Junior

Sometimes the best thing about re-organising photo folders in my computer is stumbling upon a long-forgotten picture that brings back such nice memories of intimate moments.

And this photo of a rounded three-pin plug did just that!  At this point, I don't even remember when this picture was taken.

Anyway, my brother and I passed this to each other on many occasions.  It almost became a competition to see who could leave it with the other, of course, surreptitiously.  

I think I started this silly tradition by saying I didn't need it and that he would probably have some use for it.  He refused but somehow I managed to accidentally on purpose leave it with him.  Then one day, I found that it was in my car!  Hmmmmmm sneaky!!!  

So we kept this up for a while.  He'd get it back and I'd call to let him know or he'd slip it when he came by or put inside a plastic bag of things.  Then I'd send things over with the plug.  When he eventually found it, he would think of how he would leave it with me again.  And that's how this innocent plug yo-yoed between our homes.  Once it even went to Sabah also.   

I don't know where it is now and who was the last to have it.  But it is a nice memory that makes me smile.

It's been two years since he has died.  I miss his dark humour and his practical way of looking at things.

Most of all, I will remember him being supportive during a difficult time of my life and for that I will always, always love that about our relationship.  We show up when things get tough.

Of love and miracles

There are so many unexplainable things that have happened between Stephen and me.  For example, songs long forgotten and no longer popular that we both liked when we were young and recalled when we began chatting. Then there are also the people who are mutual family members and yet our paths never once crossed during our childhood.  We hadn't the faintest idea that our future would one day collide.  We never imagined that we would be anything more than just friends.

I always like to think that somehow, we were meant to be even if we didn't set out to be together when we first met.

We were from the same yet different worlds: similar yet contrasting backgrounds; varied yet closeted exposure, diversified yet limited lifestyles, and the list goes on.  Yet, we kept moving forward and towards a life together.

When I saw this image and the words that were in it, I was enthralled as it totally encapsulates the love we have.  

This revelation was not something thunderous or mind-blowing but made possible by the tiny little things that have somehow become the very fabric of our life and love together.  

It is a miracle.

 

30 years ago

This year seems to be about numbers.  

Every day we have covid-19 details thrown at us and maybe because I live in Singapore but have loved ones in Malaysia, I sense it more by looking at the statistics of both these countries.  We begin to get a habit of waiting to see if things are better or not with the numbers given.  It's unhealthy, I suppose, to allow stuff like this to dictate some part of our day.  Yet imperceptibly it has!  

However, 26/3/2021 is special.  It's been 30 years since Doug died.  

I still vividly recall how that morning started yet I cannot remember much after I saw him in the mortuary.  

When he died, I tried very hard to think of the future without him.  He had always been there for me.  He was always loving and giving.  I leaned on his support for everything.  But oh, how I've learnt to stand on my own two feet since then!!

30 years ago, Jared was only 4 years old.

30 years ago, I was only 32 years old.

We've come a long way since 1991 but one thing hasn't changed for both of us, Doug is a huge part of who we are.  

Today we celebrate him because we are richer for having had the privilege of being a part of his life.

Reflections of a love lost.  Click link to watch Heart Shots Presentation

22642 days

It's my birthday today!

How many days since 21 March, 1959?

It has been 22642 days since 21 March, 1959

That's approximately 743.86 months or 62 years.

A reminder for me!