The Velveteen me

Image from Instagram (I think)

Too many people enjoy making comments without thinking about the consequences of their words.  Saying things without realising how hypocritical it can be is off-putting.  

To many people, I am difficult and hard to get along with.  And I won't disagree as they are entitled to their opinions.   We can't be angels to everybody.

Physically people used to say I was either too thin or too fat.  Seldom have I heard that I was just nice!  Even when that was said, it was laced with "but don't lose or gain any more weight".  

Emotionally, I have been called "hard as stone" and also "weak and sensitive".  No one really knows how to be empathetic.

Intellectually, I was considered below par compared to others or too smart for my own good!   I have heard "you could have done better" so many times.  In my mind, I always retorted, "I could have done worse".  Now I no longer bother. 

I'm getting older every day and no longer have the attributes of who I once was.  But there are people who still tell me that they remember my long and luscious hair or my big eyes.  Some say that I am still the sweet, young thing and I haven't changed.  These are the people who understand the current me and more than that, they are the ones who see me with eyes of love.

I have heard women who had no children commenting about the body of someone who had two babies. I have also heard thin people say that fat people have no discipline when it comes to food and the fat people saying that thin people look sickly.  

Sometimes I am guilty too.  Guilty of sizing up people.  Have been guilty of it, too many times, in the past!  

I suppose as we grow older, these things take on a lesser role in our minds. We become less judgmental.  We become.  I'd like to think that I have become or at the very least, I'm on my way to become the velveteen me.

Uncomplicated Life

Image from WWW

I just realised that the previous three posts were about the death of loved ones.  I hadn't noticed at first as it was something unconsciously done.  Only wrote so I wouldn't forget.

And I made a decision to stop because this blog isn't just for remembering people who have gone but it is also to enjoy the ones who are still with us.

I know I've said that I write for the future me.  When memories start to fade, I can dive into my blog and re-read some of the events that have made an impact on me.  Hence, I must not get into the habit of only writing when someone dies.  I must start writing about the good things that are around.  The fun people that are in my life.  There is much to be grateful for despite and in spite of Covid-19 still raging in our midst.

I've been doing practically nothing since the April 2020 circuit breaker in Singapore and since there is no travelling, I've been indoors almost all of that time.  Most people would have gone mad but not me as I have become slightly introverted.  Or maybe it is the opposite effect kicking in after having had to go out nearly every day for almost all of my life.  Either it was because of work, duty or even a holiday, I was, shall I use the word, forced to go out.  Now there are days when I don't even step outside the door.  While people consider it a punishment, I didn't, at all, find it unpleasant.  

There is so much to do at home.  There's housework which is never-ending.  We decide when to stop, that's the truth.  There's Netflix and that too is a slippery slope once you get immersed in a series.  And books, but I've not been reading much.  I don't really know the reason why.  I tell myself it's the print that I find too small for comfort.  I tried online books but that too, didn't have the same effect that reading always had for me.  Then there's news which I skim through nowadays because it can be bleak and depressing.  I just keep abreast of what's happening in the world.  It's not like I have to sit for any test so I just glance at headlines and only go deeper if I want more details.  

Apart from doing, there's also the not-doing things like napping.  I find that since I am up at 6 am on most days, I nap more often nowadays.  When I used to sleep in, I didn't really nap much.  But again, who's checking and I nap as I please.  There's joy in being able to do it at any time.  Those dozing off in my chair times are the best.  It is a luxury as I can still remember fighting off sleepiness and tiredness when I was working!!!  

Yes, to some, my lifestyle is a kind of nonsense as I just let one day slide into the next.  But isn't that the goal of many!  To eat, drink and be merry is what people say we need to do!

Really it is simple now for me.  Don't complicate life.  

If I get through one day, it's enough.  

At my age, there are no more dreams to chase or goals to achieve.  

I just want to be healthy, happy and whole.