Living and feeling alive

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Yes, I've been slacking again but I will no longer apologise for the long lapses in posting here.  As I've said before, I don't write for clicks or likes.  I keep this blog for me, my immediate family, and anyone else who happens to chance upon it.

Even if nobody views it, I'm still going to keep at it.  Why?  Well, why not?

I started here twelve years ago and have enjoyed writing/sharing whenever I needed or wanted to do so.  It has sometimes been my go-to if I needed to give "air" to my feelings.  It is almost like having a friend who just sits and listens without judgement.  Perhaps this is the reason why I won't let it go. 

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Anyway, the first half of 2024 has been very eventful.  I have been busy just watching life go by.  There were, incredibly, ten deaths (family and friends).  It certainly does make taking stock of one's life uppermost in one's mind.  

With all that being said, I've just been slowing down to enjoy each morning, each day, each moment, and each memory made.

Being alive, is indeed, a grand thing.  

Mum Rose and Memories

When Mum Rose Cheow died on 19 December 2023, I was in Singapore.  There was such a sadness that permeated my being when I heard that she was gone! 

I had known her since I was 14 so we had a connection that spanned over 50 years.  It struck me that she was always in my life albeit not always physically.  In the earlier years, it was our love for Doug that naturally drew us together.  In the latter part of my life, she was always hovering in the background and never let me forget that she had my back!

The one thing that I shall remember most about her is that she took chances in life and made the best of everything.  

I had not expected for her to leave anything to me since I am, technically, out of the family picture.  Hence, it was a surprise to see that she had thought of me and left something tangible to keep.  I don't really need anything, but her kindness and thoughtfulness has yet again reminded me that this is the path to follow.

When I saw her little note, it made me tear up.  I have kept a letter that she wrote to me in 1992.  The familiar writing tugged at my heart.  1992 was an especially difficult year but knowing she would be there for me, offering to be there for me, made it bearable.  I shall always be eternally grateful for her love and support throughout the last 50 years.

Devil Curry

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When I was in KL, my daughter-in-law, GG made Devil Curry using a recipe that was given by our beloved Rose Cheow.  This is the curry that I was used to and knew since I was a teenager!  It has always been the standard by which I judged all other recipes.  I suppose it is a matter of taste and preference. Gwen followed the recipe and reproduced the dish exactly as I remembered it to be!

She had made Devil Curry using another recipe before and that also turned out very well.  But this for me, has always brought back memories of meals with family and eating with our fingers!  

There were many highlights during my trip back and this is one of them.  Thanks, GG, for being such a superb cook and for making this with love.  

 

Up, up, and away!

My pic from window of Firefly flight

On 13th March, I made my first trip out of Singapore for 2024.  Of course, the only travelling I am willing to embark on nowadays is to see family!  I'm not a tourist or an adventurer type at all!

I know people travel to experience life on the other side of the world or to just have a change of scene.  For me, it is never something that I liked or looked forward to doing.  It has always been about the family and friends that I will get to see and catch up with!

This particular time was chosen because of Cayla celebrating her fifth birthday!  When they say that time flies, it really has where this girl is concerned!  

Overall, it was a thoroughly enjoyable time watching the kids prancing about and having boundless energy.  Cayla had a Bluey party in a theme park, and it was the first time I had a glimpse of how the kids of the 21st century do it!  It was her first time and probably not the last after that experience.  

 This was on a Sunday so that her friends could be with her!

On Monday, another cake and singing session in her kindergarten!  After which, she could leave early which is every birthday girl's dream.   

Then to the gifts awaiting at home!

One with the grandkid

It is easy to forget how wonderful a birthday can be when we are in our mid 60s!  As a matter of course, I don't celebrate my birthdays!  My 50th and 60th just whizzed by without any fanfare.  I would choose a quiet meal with Stephen rather than a full-blown party.  It's just me!

I was away for twelve days, and it was enough.  I missed my quiet life in Singapore and was happy to return.  In both places, I am always happy because of being surrounded by loved ones.  At this point in my life, I think that is all I need now.  

Corazon's gift of love

My Aunt Corazon gave these mugs to me a very long time ago. She was always the kind of person who dared to show love. I am so blessed to have had someone love me so much and who enriched my life in more ways than I care to count.

She never failed to remember my birthday and always sent cards (in the old-fashioned way). It was something we all took for granted. I'm so glad that I have kept a digital copy of that last card I received in 2014.

It's been ten years since she died, and I still miss her. I often wish she was still around to see and know Cayla. I believe Aunt Corazon would have loved her to bits!

Out living or just outliving

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I keep saying I'll write more each time I check on my blog.  When I'm out and about, I think of what I want to put into words when I get home.  Then when I reach home, I do other things, or I just chill with my HP and browse online.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about all the working people.  Are they out there living their lives happily?  Some love going to work.  They prepare their things the night before and get organised for an easy and smooth start to their day.  Good planning, I know!  

Many are out living their best lives because they still get to do what makes them feel useful. But equally, there are some who get up on a working day and just go through the motions.  

However, we start our day, whether happily or grudgingly, we are out living our lives. 

I haven't really worked since early 2012.  More accurately, I wasn't gainfully employed because I did sort of work for the first six years when I arrived in Singapore.  Not work per se but more of a responsibility and there were days when it was tough.  Unbelievably, it is now almost an equal number of six years that I have not had to "work".  I am always thankful that I get to stay home.  

Recently Stephen and I were chatting about outliving some of our family and friends.  Death has a way of making us think about our own mortality.  Both of our fathers died relatively young; mine at 57 and his at 64.  We have outlived both of them.  It is a sobering thought.  

While we were out living our lives, we were, inadvertently, outliving many of our loved ones.  

Each day is precious.  May we be reminded to live well, love much, and laugh often.

Why I still blog

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When someone dies, a whole load of history goes along with them.  We no longer have a way to get that information.  I do feel this because I have questions, about some things, and no one with the answers.

I was trying to do a family tree for my granddaughter, and I couldn't fill in all the blanks. The people who would know the details couldn't remember or have already died. 

So, I blog because I reckon that someday, my child or my grandchild (or even my great grandchild!) may be curious like me.  Maybe I will have answered some questions they didn't even think about.  Or maybe I just want to leave these posts for fun!  Either way, it will serve some purpose after I am dead. 

In any case, this is just the secondary reason.  The primary reason is that I like to put my thoughts down in words.  This alone makes it worth my while!

This space, if it still exists in the future, will be a great place to take a trip down memory lane.  I share a lot about my feelings, special events, cherished loved ones, and even inconsequential stuff.  I don't know if I will always be articulate or lucid.  Hence, long after I am gone, they will be able to browse through the labels and look for something they are curious about!  Perhaps it will give an insight into who I am (or was). 

Douglas

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Time does heal all wounds.  At least for me, it's true.  

There were many dark times after you died but now, I can hardly remember those details.  I don't even want to try to search my mind for it.

Somehow the good times and the happy moments are still vivid and although we never got the chance to see where life would take us, I feel certain that you would approve of Stephen and how he has taken care of me.

However, 40 years is memorable even if it remains in the "what was" years. This post is to honour that union which led me to everything that I am today.  

In the end

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The last fortnight of 2023 saw a flurry of deaths; family and friends of ours.  These losses affected us more than we cared to admit.  Stephen counted seven from the 19th to the 31st of December.

Maybe it was the year-end festivities that seemed to make it weigh less.  The cheerful songs and merry making seen around somehow inadvertently alleviated the horror of losing a loved one or someone cherished.  So, we went through the motions to honour the memories of those whom we loved.  And also, to let the young ones enjoy the Christmas season completely.

The finality of hearing he's gone, or she's gone doesn't ever get stale.  It is always fresh and hits the gut instantly. 

But now in the cooler and quieter January (it's been gloomy and cold in Singapore), grief seems to hover overhead like a hangover.  One month has passed and still the knowledge that they are truly gone hasn't fully seeped in. 

In the end, we'll all become stories.  Will ours be a good one?

Endings and beginnings

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We finished the last month of 2023 with many endings.  Some stories ended unexpectedly, and for some others it was expected. 

We started the first month of 2024 with a new beginning.  Sort of a new beginning as we were able to witness our grandchild start pre-school on 2 January.  

This is the circle of life.  

Hello Twenty Twenty Four!

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It's a new year with new beginnings galore!  Life is what we make it to be and so let's start this chapter with good thoughts and positive vibrations!

I hope that I will write more in my blog because it automatically becomes a timeline of what's in my mind during the year.  I've said it before that when I sometimes scroll through my old posts, I feel like I'm reading it for the first time.  I guess I am one of those who writes and then I let it go because I know that I can always return to read it again (someday!).  

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