Sunday, January 27, 2013

Nudge or Judge

Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I hate it when something happens and old feelings are resurrected from what I thought were long buried.

The recent death of William Yau sent everyone reeling.  

Parents felt the sharp pangs of fear gripping them.  Brothers/sisters everywhere imagine or try to imagine what losing a sibling feels like.  People sob, cry, rant and rave.

Then the unbelievable happens (at least for me).  People start blaming the parents.

Why does it always have to be this way?

Don't they know that the parents are already going through hell?  

Finding William dead doesn't bring closure in any form.  It heralds a beginning of millions of seconds thinking, re-thinking about that day.  It is the start of living, re-living the events of that fatal day.

Even if any child died of natural causes, the parent still goes through the trauma of that day.  Each painful memory runs through the mind at the speed of light.  These thoughts criss-cross and overlap until sometimes one cannot know what is real anymore.  It is unimaginable unless you have lost a child.

William's parents are grieving.  

Why don't people just give them a nudge and say "take care"? 

The excruciating pain of losing a child is enough, if you want to judge them.

So will you nudge or judge?


  1. Agree with you totally, Lita.
    I have a friend who's daughter had a nasty accident when she was young and the child has been blind ever since.
    My friend had left her then-toddler daughter with her mother to take care. The girl was placed in a "buai" - the sarong cradle. Some of the older kids were running around the house and one of them accidentally pushed the cradle and the cradle with the baby hit against the wall. The girl's head was the part that hit the wall. The old granny, now knowing what had happened, tried to console the crying child. The girl was blind since then.

    Things happen, no matter how careful a parent or caretaker is.

    How many times have our kids fallen from the bed / chair / table/ etc as kids. How many times hav we left them unattended so we could rush to the toilet. How many times have our kids picked up stuff from the ground and eaten them. And swallowed anything and everything from rubberbands, to coins, to pins and poo.

    1. Thank you for this comment. I think that it's always easy to point fingers but the truth is that this situation doesn't warrant it.

      Everything you wrote is exactly how it is in real life. :)

  2. I agree with you, too - enough already. Are we all such exemplary parents, that we dare embark on stone-throwing?

    Everyone makes mistakes. Most of us are lucky because we don't have to pay for those mistakes the way these parents will have to: for the rest of their lives.

    Most of all, my heart hurts for that little boy. I wonder about his last moments. Was it all over quickly, or was it was dragged out. I am so afraid to think about what the post-mortem wil reveal. I don't want to read it - because I really don't want to know! - but I know the details will be everywhere for my eyes to see.

    For William, at least, it is over. May his soul rest in peace.

    1. Once again, we share the same sentiments with regard to something that's actually quite close to my heart.

      I join you to say, "may his soul rest in peace".

      Love ya, Pat.