Fifth New Year in Singapore

When I first arrived to Singapore in 2012, I carried my camera everywhere.  I felt like a tourist and I wanted pictures to sort of document my first year of living here.  

Just wanted to leave these images here for my future reference.  

It's over but the journey has begun

We're blessed to have been able to witness and be part of something so special in our lives.  A new door opens and, with awe, we watch all the magic and mystery of life and love.

Round 1 in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah on 26 November 2016
Round 2 in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on 10 December 2016
Round 3 in Singapore on 17 December 2016

It's all over now but their journey truly has begun.

We are so proud of this union and we give all our blessings over your lives together.

Dear Jared and Gwen,

Be happy. Stay close to God. Look after each other always.

Never forget that both of you are loved very much by your loving parents.

May blessings flow through your lives abundantly.

Much love today, tomorrow and forever

D and Nai!

Photo credit to SteffiePaulus

You are the love of my life

Happy Birthday, Stephen Felix Grosse!  

Exciting days are ahead for us and a new chapter awaits.  I can't wait to share it all with you.

Be blessed today and always and continue to shine as God's beloved child.

How much?

I didn't realise that two months have gone by since I wrote here on my blog.  Life has been filled with so many moments and memories that I didn't even remember to immortalise some of my thoughts here.

Okay, no need to be dramatic about leaving some words on a blog meant for my future reference.  Ha ha ha

I'll start by saying that these words in the image, made me think. Many quotes have that effect on me.  They cause me to pause and wonder about the reason for it being written that way.  

There are people who do a lot.  But behind their doing is very little love invested.  On the other end, are people who do so little but in those small gestures, you feel and see so much love. 

These last two months that I have been missing have also been the start of Stephen's semi-retirement. It has been exciting for him to discover the joys of only working two days a week.  

We've had to re-adjust our timing for TV, going out, travelling to KL and so far it's been a non-stop moving session. I am literally worn out from so much going on.  Not forgetting a wedding in the wings!!

Anyway, getting back to the reason these words touched me is that there is very little to do at home, yet Stephen has decided to do some of the chores even if I could do them all!  It's him saying to me that he cares enough and he wants me to also enjoy some of the perks of his freer time.  

How much love do you put into your doing?  It's a good question to ask each time. 

Carefree and car-free!

I saw this huge banner outside the NEX Mall recently. I guess it's to encourage people to take public transport. It caught my eye because it's catchy and does epitomise my life here in Singapore.

I suppose it only means much more to people who once drove daily. When I look back on how many hours I spent behind the wheel of a car, it boggles the mind. 

Since moving away from the hustle and bustle of KL living and into the concrete jungle of Singapore, I haven't really felt a sense of inconvenience without a car.  I thought I would and maybe I did have some fleeting moments of "I need a car" when I first arrived but now after nearly five years I don't even think about it.  I've adapted well.

Even when I am back in KL, I hardly ever drive now.  I do when I have to but usually my son or daughter-in-law takes the wheel. I used to not like being a passenger before.  I always wanted to be the driver.  But they are both excellent drivers and I've learnt to take the back seat.  I can place my trust in them.  I don't say this lightly because there are many horrible drivers around.  Also I pride myself on being a rather good one and when I let someone drive me around, it's not just for convenience but also because I have faith in their driving skills.

Sometime over the last few years I had developed a new sense of being carefree and car-free.  This has to do with getting used to moving around via trains, buses and/or taxis.  I've yet to use uber but I just registered.  :)

It's a good advertisement!  I like it.  It suits me.  It works for me. 

Moving forward

Image from Instagram

Recently I was chatting with a friend and he said that he hated it when people told him to "Move on" or "Move forward" whenever he lamented about anything.  It amused me because even if he didn't want to, he was moving forward.

No matter how we dislike the notion of letting the past go, we unconsciously leave a bit behind each day until, suddenly, it no longer becomes an issue.

I know there are people who do mean things daily and don't think twice of it but my friend is one of those who knew he did mean or terrible things.  He regrets having done that.  He wishes he hadn't done them. However, he has moved on, knowing that he can be different from who he was.

In a way, this is true for all of us.  We shed the skin of who we were and we are a new person each and every day!

No one gets to say that we never change. We all change and no one gets to say that they know us well.  No one can because we do change; whether we like it and whether we know it or not.

Family matters

Image from WWW Credit to TheQuotes Kingdom

It's really a sweet reminder that family matters is what matters most to me.  Also that when something happens, it's good to have the right people in your life for support and encouragement.  

You can be anywhere in the world and if you are with the people that really matter then you can face anything that happens.

All is well that ends well.  

Once upon a time...

Image from WWW

Once upon a time . . . 

It was a story that I played over and over in my mind and slowly it got easier as the years rolled by.

But even when it didn't hurt so much, the memories are still strong and I am glad that I remember so much.  The intensity is gone but the love has remained.

People have told me that they understand but it isn't possible because they aren't me and the loss wasn't theirs.  I do know that they mean well and it shows that they care.

This is what counts today.  

Remembering Eric Joseph Cheow

Image from Pinterest

30 years ago

Image picked from Pinterest.

30 years ago, at 1317 hrs, a little bundle was put into my arms and the weight of that tiny being swept me into a turmoil as I pondered over whether I would be able to do a good job. All I knew in that moment was that I would love him, guard and guide him to the best of my ability.

Fast forward to today and he's now 30 years old.  

I almost cannot believe this.  It almost seems unreal that he's grown so quickly and also as his own person.  He knows what he wants in life and he goes out to get it.  More importantly, he has a heart that doesn't cause unnecessary hurt to anyone.  He doesn't carry tales. He is respectful of those around him. I could go on and on. 

I am truly very proud of him.  I love him.  

AND whatever I feel for him, Stephen feels double.  LOL  His love for Jared knows no bounds.  

TEAMNOKIDS

Image from WWW

It's hard to comprehend life without kids after having them.  So it's fairer for those with kids to make a comparison rather than those without them.

Those without can only imagine or maybe they cannot since they will never know what having kids is all about.

I'm not talking about those who want but cannot have any for medical or physical reasons.  

I'm talking about those who can but who choose not to and then say how lucky they are without kids.  The truth is that they do not and can never know.

The reality is that they are #TeamDon'tKnowKids.

Alarm bells ringing

Woke up at 8 am but only because of the alarm.  Why did I ever think that I would never need one again? It was wishful thinking when I retired.  

Strangely during the first week of my retirement, I was up bright and early almost as if I wanted to enjoy being home during those hours instead of at work.  

But now, without an alarm ringing, I can sleep till noon!!! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!  Of course, this is only because I sometimes watch TV series till 4 am so if I wake at noon then I feel I have had the obligatory 8 hours of sleep.  And I don't always do that. I'm usually up by about 9ish unless I'm very tired.

Even if I am up early, there's always the long nap that I can take either before or after lunch to be refreshed again.  Sleeping is never a problem for me.  

I also don't suffer from insomnia.  Once I'm in bed, I fall asleep quite easily.  

There are some days when I don't want to sleep but because I have something to do very early the next day, I try to have an early night. The remedy, for me, is to read a bit and soon enough I'll be feeling sleepy. 

Life is good.  With or without alarm bells ringing, life is good. 

T G I F

Image found on Pinterest

Rain on a Friday!  I just love it!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's been nearly two months since I wrote on this blog.  I believe it's the longest that I've not written here.  

Part of the reason why I haven't been writing is because I'm hardly on my laptop.  But I take notes and save images in my HP so I don't lose any ideas. This ensures that I don't forget what caught my interest, which I am prone to do nowadays, . 

The reality is that I usually have a list of things I want to blog about.  The reality is that it is also not anything urgent. 

I saw something on Instagram recently and it prompted me to come back here and look at my "Drafts" folder.  I have over 20 items there and some have just an image that touched me and others have one or two words or lines that will jog my memory into a journey of thought processes.  

Writing has always been the best avenue for me to express myself. I wish I was able to articulate in the same way and I usually can but between the two, there is no comparison.   Writing for me is the best avenue to express what's in my heart. 

We always have doubts about what and why we write but maybe we shouldn't dwell on this too much.

This is the image that prompted me to return to my blog.

Image from Instagram
courtesy of @theartofwrite

Go crazy

Image from WWW

There really aren't many things that I could go crazy about nowadays.  I'm sure when I was young I was the opposite but that's what makes for moments when our soul smiles quietly in remembering.

I lead a rather boring life as compared to those around me.  I don't do anything out of the ordinary.  But when I feel like doing something crazy, there's nothing to stop me.  In fact, there's no one either.  

Like last night I watched 15 episodes of a TV series and finished at nearly 5 am this morning.  I wasn't sleepy and it was such an interesting show.  I woke up at 8.30 am and then went back to sleep almost immediately until noon.  Mild crazy but crazy all the same.

It's nice to be able to do stuff like this without having to weigh the consequences.  Stephen applauded me when I told him why I was so sleepy.  He's my best cheerleader!

And just one moment of craziness has left me with a glow in my heart and a skip in my step.

To make things even better, the universe rewards me with an unexpected surprise this evening.  Life is so gooooooooooood!

Love is eternal

Image from Twitter

I feel truly blessed to have known such great loves in my life.  Even when they are gone, their love still fills me with a warm feeling of being cherished.

Today I remember Douglas.  25 years have passed and although gone forever, you are not ever forgotten.

Corazon means heart

Image from Twitter

The last time that I spoke to my Aunt Corazon was on the 19th of March 2014 and just five days before she died.

I strain to remember if there was a hint in her voice that she knew or felt something.  It's impossible. Our conversations were always about the same things and about the same people. 

Every time we speak with anyone, it never occurs to us that it might just be the last time we talk to that someone.  

I don't always think of my Aunt Corazon but when I do, it stops me in my tracks for a moment.  Like today on the anniversary of her death and it doesn't seem as if it's been that long and I still miss her.

It's two years already and I still feel her love for me.  

I think this is what real love is all about.  A person loves you so much in real life that even when they are gone, you still feel that love from beyond.

I hope it works both ways and that she can also feel my love for her wherever she may be now.

57 years today

Image from Twitter

It was a lovely surprise that the children conspired, with Stephen, to appear suddenly at nearly 2 am on Saturday morning.  There was a flurry of messages going on between them without my knowledge. Certainly a well-kept secret because I was totally taken aback when they arrived.  

I was not at all in a celebratory mood.  I hardly ever make a fuss over my birthday.  It's just another day for me.  This year I did find my thoughts drifting to my dad who died at the age of 57.  And now I'm his age!  He seemed so much older than I feel now.

But the kids always bring a buzz with them.  Their youth and zest for life is catching.  For this reason alone, I did feel thankful and blessed that they came.  As I commented to a friend, "money cannot buy" the presence of my nearest and dearest. It's a present in and of itself.  

As the day comes to an end, it's wonderful to just breathe in the moment and remember that life is to be lived.  

I will go to bed tonight thinking of this bible verse as I begin my 57th year around the sun!

Image from Pinterest

Keeping guard

Image picked  from Twitter

It's easier to speak from the heart because that's where the real feelings come from.  Hence it's a good idea to guard the heart because that's also where love is manufactured.

Who wants to keep hatred so that it can grow and fester?  No one.

Yet, there are some who do this and it amazes me that even as people grow older, they never tire of drama.  And when there's none, they create it.

Guard your heart and,  may I add, your words as it determines the course of your life.  This is a good one to meditate on.  

4 years today

Image taken in 2012

What a life-changing move it was when I left Malaysia to live in Singapore!!!

It's been a great 4 years.  Ups and downs no doubt but like the image shows, it's beautiful whichever way it flows.

The most important lesson I've learnt is that I don't need anyone to make me happy.  I know how to be happy on my own.  It's a bonus that I have a family to share my life with but I realise that I can be happy just as easily by myself.  

I'm sometimes alone. Stephen is at work and the kids are in Malaysia but I am always able to fill my hours with things to do.  I still reluctantly go to bed at nights.  But I know I need to sleep. :)

As Stephen likes to say, "I'm sometimes alone but never lonely".  

~ ~ ~ 

Just happy thoughts

Image from WWW

It never fails.  Eric's birthday comes along and someone will tell me that it's his birthday. Would I forget?  Ever??  

Thankfully I can shrug off the reminder from the well-meaning relative and chalk it up to the fact that people care to remember.

Just like that and another year has gone by.  It's a wonderful thing that we are able to move on even when we never thought it possible.  

The important thing is that we know where he is now.  It's what makes me happy.  

The leap of faith

Image from Twitter

I almost cannot believe that I have been in retirement for FOUR years now.  It seems like I've taken to this new life like a "fish to water". That's lame but the best description that I can think of. Hahahahahaha.  

Also, I almost cannot remember what it's like to be working in an office. 

My "office" now is wherever my laptop is placed at home so it's either on the dining table or on my lap (pun intended) in front of the TV!  

The leap year used to brings memories of the Olympic Games and the Presidential Elections.  That's how diverse my interests are! Stephen and I share a common ground in our interest with some major world events and we enjoy talking about it over breakfast/lunch/dinner and sometimes supper.  But now the leap year has also become synonymous with my retirement.

I woke up yesterday to tell Stephen that we must celebrate today.  I said I want to have lobster for dinner.  He knows I'm full of plans and no action.  Just being able to say it is enough to make me happy.

The leap of faith was also a leap into faith.  It was when I found a meaningful relationship with God.  It has made such a big difference to my life.

So this 29 February 2016, I'm saying a special prayer for all the people who are special to me.  It's a way of giving back (behind the scenes) without fanfare. 

Most of all I'm thankful to Stephen, Jared and Gwen who have been my pillars of support and encouragement.  The countless other family and friends along the way have been the icing on the cake: always delicious and so enjoyable. 

Be blessed.  Stay blessed.  Shalom!

Forgiveness

Image from WWW

Life is filled with all sorts of good and bad events.  Inevitably people are involved and it takes the same amount of effort to remember the good memories or the bad.

I don't know exactly when but I have been able to forgive others. Not only in my mind but also in my heart because it's where the real forgiveness takes place.  

It's true that it has nothing to do with the other person.  It has to do only with our own self.  

Some time ago, I was told that not only should we forgive but we should also ask to be forgiven. This weighed heavily on me for awhile. BUT I now realise that this isn't my job. It's for others to do that for themselves.

If we attempt to atone for everything we've ever done, it's an unattainable goal.  

The Lord's Prayer goes "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us".  I think this is enough.

I wish...

Image picked from Twitter

Valentine's Day has come and gone.  There were so many wishes from family and friends that I was overwhelmed.  

For me, it's an over-rated event but I just love spreading the love.  I wasn't alone.  Some sent more than one wish and it was like a competition to see who sent the best image.  At the end of the day, I just couldn't choose which was my favourite.  I loved them all.

Stephen was working so it was a quiet day for us until he came home. 

How did we spend the evening?  We went to church!

It's one of the things we love doing together.  Sometimes he will say something meant only for me and which no one else would understand.  I'm sure many couples have their secret codes between them.

Loking back on our years together, I think that hearing him say "I wish I knew you earlier" has to be the most touching.  I've always made light of the moments when he says this but really it speaks so much about his love for me.

As another Valentine's Day has come and gone, I'm counting my lucky stars again.  

I wish.....

                   for many, many more years together. 

Happy Chinese New Year

Image from WWW

It's quiet everywhere in Singapore.  Many shops are closed already and most people have either gone away for a holiday or returned to their hometown.

It's a nice change from seeing people rushing around.  Watching them daily hastened my steps and I found myself doing the same even when I did not need to.  Subconsciously I got caught up with the hustle and bustle of rushing everywhere.

This celebration reminds me that I should slow down.  It's a good reminder that life is to be lived, moment by moment. 

As today is the eve, the service at NCC had a Chinese theme and, as in the past three pre-New Year services, Pastor Mark appeared. He never fails to entertain even while feeding us with spiritual nourishment.  It was like having a reunion breakfast with God!

Left feeling so refreshed and ready to bless everyone!

Image from NCC web

HAVE A BLESSED LUNAR NEW YEAR!

Being a hypocrite...

Image from Facebook

We all put on a mask with people.  Only the real friends see behind that and still love you.  They don't expect you to be perfect.  They understand that it's okay to reach a place where both don't see the same thing or reach the same conclusion.  It's fine to agree to disagree.

Sometimes when you drop the hypocricy and speak your mind, it can change how your friends react.  They're comfortable and happy with you only when you wholeheartedly accept what they say. It's one-sided and that's how they like it.

"Don't change", they say.  Because they want you to echo their sentiments and show blind support.  

The minute you have an opinion that differs, they don't like it. "Why are you so mean?", they say.  "Why do you want to hurt me?", they question.  

They want that familiar path where everything is as they say it is and you must get on board or face the consequences.

When did being a hypocrite become the biggest criteria for being a good friend?

Why is it necessary to remain a hypocrite to retain and sustain any friendship?

It's one thing to be a crutch for a friend in need but when that is taken to be the full-time role, then the friendship is tainted.

Friends cannot always want to hear only the things that agree with their soul.  They have to be ready to hear and bear with the other side too!

True friendship is saying what you truly feel and knowing that the other person will accept what you say because it's your truth!  It's not for the other person to pick and choose when you can speak out or not.  It's a level-playing field.

I have made tons of friends along this journey and I have also lost many too.  It's always sad but it's also a progression when you are able to move on because you have no desire to remain the "old you" just for them.  You're the "new you" and you are happy.

In this ever-changing world, I think it takes a whole lot of courage to stop being a hypocrite and be who you are.  Even if it means that you have to let go of some people, it's part of the learning and growing process. And it can be beautiful when you know how to be you!

BEYOUTIFULL

32 years is a long time...

Image from Pinterest

... and life goes on.

I'm grateful for a good life and thankful for the family around me. 

Where would I be today, without their love and support?

Stephen cooking?

It's a little known fact but Stephen can cook!  

Almost four years ago when I first arrived to Singapore, I caught the most awful cough and flu.  Maybe it was the Singapore germs giving me a good welcome and helping me to build up immunities because since then, I've been fine.

It was during this time that I found out that Stephen could cook and tasty food too.

It's always nice to know that he can come up with something without recipes or experience or anything. 

When I think of that time when I was so ill, lying down and praying I would feel well soon, I also think of Stephen pottering around the kitchen and making pancakes for breakfast and a most delicious soup for lunch/dinner.  

I must pujuk him to repeat that performance!  Hahahahahaha!

The best 2015 moment!

Image from my whatsapp

A couple of days ago, I asked Stephen what was his most memorable moment of 2015.  He didn't hesitate at all.  He said it was when Jared and Gwen got registered.  His joy and excitement was obvious to everyone.

I believe him and we also have a video to prove it.    But that's in keeping with his personality which is always bubbly and effervescent!

For me, the registration was also a great moment, after all a marriage is such a momentous step for anyone.  

Yet, in keeping with who I am, my most memorable moment was a quiet and private one.

It was on 19 September 2015 at 3.27 pm, I was in the bus, heading to the Nursing Home to see my MIL and a whatsapp message (shown above) came in. 

Stephen added, "you are love and love is you" plus a little bit more. It was so random and unexpected that I was taken aback. 

It was just an ordinary and simple thing for him to do but for me, it was a sweet gesture of love, so blind, that sees beyond all my faults.  Is there any kind of love better than this?  I am so very blessed.

It is my best 2015 moment.

2016 Epiphany, Vision and Mission

Image from NCC website

Three days into the new year and already so much has happened. 

2015 ended so well and we are still reeling from all the eating and merry-making.  Now to walk off and work out a bit to stay in shape.  Our aim is to remain healthy so we'll take it slow with our food until Chinese New Year and then really get down to better habits after that. No point to set goals which would go flying out the window when the next festivity hits us.

Today's church service was about Possessing our Possesions. Very apt for me and my family. I loved the message and found that I had similar thoughts without realising it.  Now everything ties in so beautifully.  

Last week we had written our three prayer requests and the entire church prayed together.  There's something so awesome about this. I like the idea that we are praying with and for each other. 

The last few months of 2015 turned out to be such a revelation of God's love for us.  Everything we did flowed smoothly without hitches.  Healthwise, it was also my best year since arriving to Singapore.  All the earlier quirky viruses I caught have been put to rest.  

I've taken down all the Christmas stuff except for the curtains.  No, I didn't wait for the Epiphany as I used to do.  That's what an epiphany is about, isn't it: that moment of sudden and great revelation or realization that we don't need to be bound by any tradition that doesn't suit us.  

For us, it's full steam ahead for the wedding of the year in late November.  This will keep us focussed on how we will spend this year.  

It's going to be an exciting and probably a very eventful 2016 so I remind myself to take just one day at a time.  

Thank you, Jesus, for everything.

2016 IS HERE!

Out with the old and in with the new!

Take every chance that comes your way.

(All images from Pinterest)